Kanye West Early Election Won; Appoints Staff - Satire

Welcome to the U.S.A. 2020, where satire loses a bit of its flair when the world is this ridiculous. This isn't true, but who's to say it isn't in a month?

Kanye announced his bid for the presidency on Independence Day. 

On July 5, China, Russia, New York and Washington State joined to launch an emergency order not recognized by anyone, to go ahead and elect President Kanye in an act of good will, and according to the CCP "you know, just to stop the orange man from holding us accountable." (little do they know...)

But, the real story is even more unbelievably believable.


"Now it really IS gonna be the West Wing, baby!"

Apparently, this presidency will be defined by a heavy presence and influence from both Hollywood and the music industry.

Kanye's 4 years will be produced by Dick Wolf, written and directed by Kanye himself, along with Budgie and Timbaland, with soundtrack to be released on Def Jam.

The title track for his term is titled "Stars and Stripes for Whatever".

Kanye has not yet announced his choice for VP and numerous other select positions, but has determined the following:

Foreign Affairs Minister to N. Korea- Dennis Rodman

A Federal Police Agency to handle the transition for defunding state police shall be overseen by-

Ice T and Mariska Hargitay, honoring President Trump's allied call for "Law and Order"

Martin Sheen as Chief of Staff (you know, Leo to President Bartlet)

Funding for Kanye's campaign was raised under the auspices of a new reality show, entitled "The United States of America".

The new series, also known as a country sorta, will include special guest stars, including:

Kim Kardashian and family

Sponge Bob

The Rockettes

A Kim Jong-un look-alike (or body double)

William Shatner as Denny Crane

The Solid Gold Dancers (you're too young to remember)

Dr. Dre - 'Beats By' for soundtrack (the music, not the headphones)


.. and many, many more

Kanye has been avoiding speaking directly to the press, as his campaign staff felt it was best to give them some time to grieve an end of jabbing President Trump, while letting them come to the realization that they can look forward to 4 years of questioning Kanye's mental health and Christian conversion.

The list of sponsors for the new reality hit "U.S.A." as it is known for short, is too long to list, but Kanye's upcoming staff announced:

We are pleased to share with the citizens of our studio audience, that advertisers for Kanye's successful new project that just dropped are so overwhelmingly plentiful, that Kanye will soon be announcing an end to all world debt, paid for by "a generous promotional consideration" for his candidacy.

Representatives of President elect Kanye's were asked a myriad of obvious questions.

When speaking to the Corona Virus outbreak, the team explained that Kanye would be taking a "what Corona?" approach, stating simply that "nothing else the experts say makes any sense, so we're going to try something new; pretending it ain't there!"

Among Kanye's goals for his legacy are to replace the dollar with Bitcoin, to "expose the Hip Hop Illuminati" and to "eliminate the Reptilians". 

Regarding recent violence and tensions with race relations, staff simply stated that P.E. Kanye (President elect, were you NOT paying attention?) would 
"...deal with the matter on his first new single, dropping November 1".

Pleased with such rapid overwhelmingly positive response, Kanye offered a single statement:

"Now it really IS gonna be the West Wing, baby!"

... and for now, Crypto Gordon Freeman, Super Coin Super Hero and legend of the preposterous... out.

How do you rate this article?



Hi! I'm Gordon Freeman (I hear they made a likeness of me in some video game... totally unrelated... or...).

Crypto Satire -Fake News Ripped from the Headlines
Crypto Satire -Fake News Ripped from the Headlines

Daily dose of nonsense for Crypto enthusiasts. Laugh... don't laugh... Crypto wins so TIP ME for goodness sake :-)

Send a $0.01 microtip in crypto to the author, and earn yourself as you read!

20% to author / 80% to me.
We pay the tips from our rewards pool.