Bitcoin in Free-fall - Satoshi Backlash Jealousy Over Coinbase NAS Listing - SATIRE

Bitcoin in Free-fall - Satoshi Backlash Jealousy Over Coinbase NAS Listing - SATIRE

As the major news outlets love to report, Bitcoin is in a nose-diving, free-falling death spiral headed straight to h-e-double-two-stix with an inevitable $0 well on its way, as Satoshi Nakamoto sells of 500,000 Bitcoins at market in retaliation for a $100B+ valuation of Coinbase's public listing.

"Say it isn't so, Gordon... say it isn't so!!!" I hear you shouting with fear and anxiety.

Okay... "it isn't so".

But, since I've already started this silly antic, let's roll with some of the ironic undertones that everyone who's been in crypto long enough will appreciate. First, The good news is that Bitcoin just reached yet another all time high, in the neighborhood of $64,850! Many have been gambling on holy expectations that the Coinbase listing would send all coins straight to the moon, so I REALLY wish I had gone with my gut and posted this nonsense yesterday, when I had a strong gut feeling that Bitcoin would pull a fake-out as it so often does. How brief, one couldn't guess, but it did do a fairly knee-jerking drop to $63,400 around the time that people assumed it would shoot for the stars. This is in true Bitcoin fashion to always deliver on the drama.

So, imagine an anonymous Satoshi Nakamoto hiding in the shadows, always struggling with whether he should start his reappearance into the public Bitcoin boards, striking up new conversation, dispelling grief that Craig Wright is the real and the Ver split nonsense. Of all of the exchanges and their circus-like ironies of centralization, control, manipulation, imagine this anxious Satoshi loathing the mere idea of Coinbase's success.

Coinbase, the largest dealer in illicit illegal wildly uncontrollable magical internet money, has a long history of being "under maintenance" orΒ  having platform "technical difficulties" precisely when the market makes its biggest, boldest whale moves. Coinbase has also come under fire for over-doxing clients, making it impossible to link a bank account, making it more impossible to delete one's account, charging sky-high crypto purchase fees, and a few other issues tossed in the pile. Yet, everyone uses them, so they must be doing something right, right? Oh, did I mention their selling users' details to governments and corporations? Yeah... not a big fan.

But, there is no joking when it comes to the potential good news this can mean for the future valuation of the crypto space, and other exchanges can use the success (or failure) of early stock activity to determine what their companies are actually worth, which in turn might fuel enough of the tech space to consider their portion of the crypto market. The domino effect here, is that it could help secure a stronger regulatory footing, with that too-big-to-fail mentality of the banking sector. This could be somewhere between the internet bubble and the pot market boom, but something in my opinion that has legs and knows where to walk.

Yes, there is strong irony in the ways the media love to report every fall after the peak for Bitcoin, and yet we never hear the fact that it rose from its lowest point under $5,000 just a little over a year ago, to more than 12X, and even now is rebounding towards an upward rise yet again. But, there was an opportunity for them to announce the huge upset that is the opposite initial movement of Bitcoin after Coinbase should already have been running its ticker.

I pondered the idea of Satoshi in a jealous rage, dumping Bitcoin on the heads of a million unsuspecting prospectors, a maniacal laugh from out of the vapors of the world wide web.

Where do we go from here? I see turbulence in the near future. I believe this market tends to go full bull-run mentality when expectations are in the extreme, and it is always my concern that people will spread earnings across a myriad of low cap coins, expecting each of them to 100X, only to find that it just takes a few to dump hard, to take all of those profits and toss 'em in the dumpster. I hope I'm wrong, but the scare is always a worse response than the thrill of the pump.

For now, all I can say, is that the word "satire" holds a lot of water around here, and that is why I'm pleased to mock the dredges of public accord and descent.

And on that glorious note, a very tongue-in-cheek super hero, Crypto Gordon Freeman... out.


Hi! I'm Gordon Freeman (I hear they made a likeness of me in some video game... totally unrelated... or...).

Crypto Satire -Fake News Ripped from the Headlines
Crypto Satire -Fake News Ripped from the Headlines

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