So you want to start your own business, congrats! Just don't tell your immediate family about it, or you'll likely be doomed to failure before you even get started. 

Why Family Gets in the Way

Most families have no problem with the breadwinner doing well. After all, everyone benefits from the effort because it provides food, shelter, clothing, education, conveniences and more through the effort. However, there is a big mindset between the earner and the beneficiaries. The earner has skin in the game; he or she is the one doing all the work, staying up late nights, struggling through the weekends with challenges and delivering all the deadlines. The recipients usually have no involvement at all. If understanding, a partner or spouse may be handling other stuff or the kids with a greater share, knowing the earner is extensively engaged, but that's about it.

So when it comes time to spend, everyone is happy and enjoys the benefits. Only the earner, however, really knows what that expense is worth though in time, effort, energy and even money to make money. In the meantime, even the best of earners have limit of what they can commit to. And as commitments to a new business take greater and greater resources, that means less of non-monetary time and availability for other things. This is where the family pressure is felt the most. 

It starts off with small interruptions. Then it grows to frustrations of non-participation. From there is can easily go into mental attacks based on jealousy of time lost or not getting support in other things. It can even go so far as passive sabotage in an emotional attempt to regain connection. However these acts manifest they are all rooted in one thing: family doesn't like to share when it wants the earner to be back involved with family. But as we all know, you have to be hands-on to make a business work, especially when it is going through its start and growth cycle. Only once the business reaches the plateau of stable operation can one delegate a bit, but most smart business owners don't. So, it's inevitable that the conflict between an earner and his or her family will happen. It's just a matter of when and where. 

How to Stop Family Being Family

Of course, the main question most folks have in this situation is how to stop family interruptions and sabotage of a business without going to war with a partner, kids and relatives. The trick is separation. There is a reason why many small business owners get into their own business space and out of the house as quickly as possible. Separation blocks the everyday interruption factor right out of the gate. It also creates distance, which in itself provides both protection for the earner to actually focus on the business as well as reminding family where there is a boundary to their contact. 

Unfortunately, most small business startups today happen on a computer at home; the traditional approach of hanging out a store shingle or office on day one is cost-prohibitive and may not happen for years, if ever. Virtual platforms are such an easy set up, they gave rise to the moniker of school dorm startups by the 2010s. Yet, unlike college, home life gets emotional and unpredictable at the worst possible times, so a time and place clash is almost certain. Again, the same principle applies; an earner needs to find physical separation, whether that's a home office, a garage workspace or even the local library if need be.

Scheduling time might seem attractive, like working late at night when everyone is asleep. This is a muse sitting on underwater rocks. Eventually, the constant absence will be felt by a partner or spouse, and then the fireworks really start going with marriage and relationship problems. Instead, it's better to find distance during normal hours when one is working, and keep home life hours stable with presence. That might go counter to the ethos of many CEOs who preach ultimate sacrifice and all be damned, but it's easy for them to preach. You're still the one who has to go home at night and sleep in that bed, not them.

Bringing Them Into the Fold - Maybe

Another option is to make family part of the business. This concept has been practiced by companies big and small for centuries, with different levels of success. It does require a few things to consistently work: 1) all relatives involved need to be committed to stay with the business, 2) no gets special treatment and everyone works like an engaged function in the business, and 3) business is business and family stuff stays home. Where family-run businesses work usually involve everyone parceling out what they are good at and respecting each other's expertise in their areas. Where it falls apart is with inter-family politics and bickering. Culturally, families with multi-generational engagement, a deep relative involvement and multiple siblings tend to make this model work better.

There's No Generic Perfect Solution to Managing Family

Regardless of what anyone says, there's no default strategy to keeping family from interfering with a new small business. They are going to actively get in the way, even if outright saying they won't. If you truly want the business to work, you will need to anticipate this problem coming and plan for it. What works for you won't be a carbon copy of someone else's situation, but you can learn from their mistakes. Instead of blinding trying generic advice, test what works and throw away what doesn't. You know your family better than anyone else; and you also know how you interact with them. 

I run my own part-time small business and family has been the number one resistance to my ability to scale up and grow bigger. I've accepted for the sake of keeping my family the business remains part-time, but I also recognized where the limitation was, and it was at home.