If Crypto Projects Were People…
Every now and then, I catch myself imagining something completely ridiculous.
A dinner table. Huge room. All the major crypto projects sitting together like it’s some kind of family gathering.
It would probably turn into chaos within five minutes.
Bitcoin arrives first.
No hesitation. No noise.
He’s been around forever, knows it, and doesn’t care.
Walks in, sits at the head of the table, and orders the most expensive steak on the menu without even looking at the price.
Everyone tries to get his attention.
He barely lifts his eyes.
Someone says:
“You’re old.”
Bitcoin just smiles.
“Maybe… but I’m still here.”
Ethereum shows up ten minutes late.
Not because he’s late.
But because he was “upgrading something real quick.”
He sits down and immediately starts explaining how the restaurant could have been built better.
By the time he finishes, nobody has ordered yet, but everyone is already aware there will be fees involved in everything.
XRP walks in looking extremely well dressed.
Perfect suit.
Expensive watch.
He greets everyone, knows the owner, the waiter, the city council, and probably the bank manager too.
Every few minutes someone asks him:
“So… when is the big moment finally coming?”
He smiles calmly.
“Very soon.”
He’s been saying that since 2018.
Hedera arrives quietly.
No announcement. No drama.
He sits in the corner.
Doesn’t talk much.
While everyone argues, he’s already signed three contracts, optimized the restaurant’s booking system, and reduced operating costs.
Eventually someone notices him and asks:
“Wait… who are you again?”
Solana bursts in at full speed.
Orders immediately.
Eats fast.
Leaves.
Comes back.
Leaves again.
Comes back again.
The waiter looks confused:
“Did he leave?”
“No… just a brief interruption.”
Dogecoin shows up wearing a banana costume.
Nobody asks why.
Not even him.
He tells jokes that don’t really make sense, laughs at his own jokes, and somehow ends the night with the most attention on social media.
Cardano hasn’t ordered yet.
He’s still reviewing a paper on which dish is mathematically optimal.
Dinner is postponed to next quarter.
Maybe.
Chainlink is the guy nobody really invited.
But every time something breaks, everyone suddenly remembers he exists.
Especially when the Wi-Fi goes down.
Then the investors arrive.
The Bitcoin maxi says everything else is irrelevant.
The Ethereum guy starts a debate.
The XRP holder opens a PowerPoint presentation.
The Solana fan shows speed benchmarks.
The Dogecoin crowd just posts memes.
The Cardano believer brings a 400-page whitepaper printed for everyone.
Meanwhile Hedera is still eating quietly.
Maybe that’s the funny part of crypto.
Every project has a personality.
Every community feels like a football fanbase.
Every week there’s a “new Ethereum killer.”
Every month Bitcoin is declared dead.
And every year Bitcoin is still there… ordering the most expensive steak again.
And us?
We’re still arguing on X, Reddit, and Telegram like we’re trying to convince the world that our token is the only one that matters.
The truth is probably simpler.
If these projects were real people, they would never even agree on who should pay the bill.
