Are you tired of having to diligently research your crypto investment and wait for the market to move up a few percentage points? Well, stop thinking bad thoughts and embrace optimism, because this investment is a no brainer! Guaranteed!
Hopelessly Obnoxious Asshole Exchange Network (HOAX Net) is proud to announce the opportunity of a lifetime! The greatest crypto currency ever has finally arrived!
Social Credit As Money (SCAM) tokens are now available for purchase exclusively on the HOAX Network! Buy now before you miss out!
This is the most secure cryptography ever formulated on the fastest network ever constructed by the greatest computer programmer genius who you are an idiot for never having heard of before now! Don't let anyone think you're a fool, when they ask you about HOAX Net and SCAM Token, tell them you're hip and are all in!
The HOAX Network and SCAM Token were created by the world's greatest super genius, the pseudonymous Most Trustworthy Crypto Expert who has a dozen advanced degrees in computer programming from the most prestigious university! This is the greatest technological innovation in human history since the invention of fire! Guaranteed!
HOAX Network is the best social media platform ever conceived by the minds of mortal men! Nowhere else can you earn so much crypto currency for simply thinking about logging in! Sign up now and collect your telepathic rewards, you greedy sluts!
This is the best opportunity you will ever get to become an overnight crypto billionaire! Buy just one SCAM Token and you are guaranteed a return of One Billion Percent! Guaranteed!
This token is going beyond the Moon, blasting straight through the core of Mars and inflating in value bigger than Jupiter to shine brighter than the sun! Guaranteed!
Want more? Stake your SCAM tokens with our Thousand Years Smart Contact and receive One Trillion Percent APR! Guaranteed!
Get in now before the SCAM Token is listed on exchanges and shoots up to astronomical levels of value! Guaranteed!
Buy now for the low low price of $10,000 in worthless fiat notes per SCAM Token! Buy now as supply is limited to 100,000,000,000 SCAM tokens mined per minute! Don't hesitate, do it now! Tomorrow it will be worth a Billion Percent more! Guaranteed!
Would I lie to you? With this face that has been computer generated to appear sincere? With a name like "Most Trustworthy Crypto Expert"? No way! Guaranteed!
Invest now and you can buy the moon when you wake up tomorrow morning! You can hire Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk to deliver you breakfast as your personal Uber Eats on the moon! Guaranteed!
Is the moon not enough? Stake your SCAM tokens with our Million Years Smart Contact and receive Ten Quadrillion Percent APR! Guaranteed!
This offer is for a limited time only! Buy now and you won't regret it! Guaranteed!
If you pass up this opportunity, your friends will laugh at you and children will throw garbage at you in the streets until you kill yourself in shame! Don't miss out, BUY NOW and stake your SCAM tokens with our Billion Years Smart Contact for Eleven Googolplex Percent APR! Every social media influencer will tell you how this is the smartest thing they've ever done! Guaranteed!
Send me your credit card numbers, bank account information, including your birth date, Social Security number, mother's maiden name, along with your crypto wallet keys to get in before it's too late! And, relax! You're now the wealthiest person in the world! Guaranteed!
[This is satire for entertainment purposes only. You can tell that this is fake because everything is spelled correctly and uses proper grammar. However, if you want throw your crypto coins at me because you like the way I dance, have at it!]
- Marvin Scott Marvin, August 28, 2021.
