Looking away from myself to find something bigger to do, to discover.... to just be an average female that does what other women do....

I envy....

The woman at the store who can walk so gracefully that she seems to skate on ice...

I envy...

All the women who have career's....

I envy......

the woman on food benefits.....she can feed her family....

I envy.....

The woman who had no serious problems in the military... everything so smooth for her...

I envy....

The woman who has grass service...people that come to detail her car.... clean her house....

I envy....

Everything that I lost..... I wanted it back...

Yet, the fact of the matter is that even though I don't have what other women have... I have a family that is trying their best to be helpful.... that even though I can't go after work and have a Martini or even the Blonde Martini (MY FAVORITE) that what I can do; I do with my whole heart...

I love being outside...

I love the heat....

I love coming outside when the sun is about to Crest.... listening to the birds....

I love playing with my daughter Samantha.. and morning snuggles....

I love listening to my daughter's talk about their day at school...

I love the "minor" influence that I have on them....

Wanting to get back what I lost seems so shallow now...

I am fighting to live...

Today, I cleaned and cleaned and cleaned..

I happen to think an orderly home is a clean home.  Yes, the smallest of things drive me nuts... 

Sometimes, I have a really good days.... which means I got to finish what I set out to do...

Today was that day... I know that I will pay tomorrow though... the mindset I have is that it's worth it just to have that feeling of ACCOMPLISHMENT.... 

I love that even though many things have been taken.... the most important still remain.... Love...

Christina