It's been a while since I reviewed one of these games for everyone!!
The last time I did, somehow the site managed to lose the entire post just minutes before I was ready to hit that "post" button, so I stayed away for a while. Given the days of work that usually go into these posts I felt kinda butt-hurt about it.
But I'm back to it now and I'm here to completely fucking destroy something for everyone's entertainment again.
As an added bonus you will also get a little insight into Russian from a non-native speaker's perspective. Educational and entertaining!
This time I've picked something so fresh that it hasn't even been officially released yet. As far as I am aware I am the first one to expose this piece of shit drug-based game for the bad trip that it will be before it even hits the streets!
What it is
Methereum is a crypto game where you run a drug lab. As you can probably guess from above, it is a Russian-created game, but the site does have an English option.
You buy a lab of some description with your hard-earned real money, and using that lab you generate the "drug" methereum, which you use to fulfill contracts and supposedly earn money. Methereum is also a token on the blockchain as far as I can tell, in case you were wondering how this was crypto-related (but more on that later).
As is typical with these games there are also other ways to spend (or should I say lose?) your cash:
They have an in-game ad server that you can spend your fucking money on to display pointless shitty referral links to other players.
Then there is some weird shit about playing Russian Roulette.
So far they have a grand total of 305 registered users (my screenshot shows 304, then add one for me signing up). Not fucking much at all!
I'm pretty sure they have purged user accounts, probably just the ones that haven't given them any fucking money yet, because I had previously registered a few months ago but my account was nowhere to be found today when I tried to log in so I had to sign up again.
Well, I can't say too much about the gameplay yet because it doesn't fucking exist. The game is still in a registration-only (well, registration plus giving them money) phase, and at the time of writing it is supposedly 20 days from release.
There are some (extremely fucking brief) rules linked at the bottom of the page, and a little more info I can gather from the page when you login, but that is about it for now.
First off is buying your lab. The cheapest is $5 for the level 1 "young chemist" kit, ok not too bad compared to some other scammy game. But it goes all the way up to $16200 for a level 5 "metax lab" 😳(or is it metox?? The text says one fucking thing, the picture of it says the other).
These labs generate methereum at differing rates based on their cost (from 0.024 per day for the $5 lab, up to 30-point-something per day for the sell-your-kidney-just-to-afford-it lab). You then use methereum to fulfill contracts, which in turn will earn you some money.
Then we have the in-game ad server shit, which is completely fucking confusing and has no help apart from some technical bullshit about the links themselves.
These are the options, pretty much directly copy/pasted from the site except to fix their lack of translations on this bit, to give you an example of how little fucking sense it makes and why I am so fucking confused about this:
$1 /10 sec - 1000 views
$1.25 /20 sec - 1000 views
$1.5 /30 sec - 1000 views
So wait, what, hold the fuck on here....
Is that $1 to advertise for 10 seconds, or $1 per 10 seconds the ad is running? And are the view numbers the maximum times it will show? Given that the site has only 305 users how fucking long will it take to clock up those 1000 views?
That is going to be some stupidly fucking expensive advertising for your referral links, because either it will take fucking forever to reach your 1000 views, or nobody is going to see it in those 10 seconds it is running!
Holy fuckballs, real life drugs are better value for money.
Then we have Russian Roulette, where 2 to 6 players bet their hard-earned dollars against other players with the chance to win or lose what is in the pot based on pure randomness (interesting to note that the devs explicitly point out they don't get a cut of the roulette minigame - you win or lose 100%).
For this you require bullets. You start the game with 10 for free, and you get the unspent bullet from each game you win, but guess what? After that they cost $0.80-$1 each!
Additionally we have cartels, which is just the game's jargon for an affiliate program.
Design and performance and shit
The absolute one positive thing I can say about this damn project is they have a good graphic design going on.... but that is about it.
The game exists in a single page, but they could optimize their usage of that a little better, but it is only a fucking minor annoyance from someone who has spent years ripping stuff like this apart, so most people probably wouldn't mind the layout.
The page loads quickly, but hey, only 300-ish users and nothing is happening there yet, so who the fuck knows what it would be like if there was an actual real load on the site.
Where it falls down
Where doesn't it???
First there is the language.
I can forgive some translation errors because shit, English is a damn stupid mess of a language.
As someone who is learning Ukrainian and Russian I can fully accept some wrong grammar here, because English has a lot of pointless fucking words that are simply implied in the much more elegant style of the Slavic languages, so the grammar doesn't quite match up until you get a fairly advanced student of English.
If languages were alcohols, English would be the cup of indescribable shit left at the end of the party that everyone has added a little bit of whatever into it, including some random shit that won't even fit together like bourbon and orange juice (please folks, don't try bourbon and OJ, I have, it is not pretty).
If languages were prostitutes, English would.... No. Hell no. I've just eaten dinner, I don't want to bring up that imagery. Or dinner....
But the homepage misspells the name of the fucking game!!!!
For some stupid fucking reason they chose a name that isn't even possible in a Slavic language (they have no "th" sound, which is why Slavic speakers learning English pronounce "th" like either an "s", "z", or "t" depending on the context of the word, because they literally grow up never having learnt how to form that sound), and then they manage to fucking misspell it. Doesn't give us too much hope for anything else.
Beyond that half of the game page isn't even fucking translated and is just there in Russian. At least they could have copy/pasted it into Google Translate, because even a bad translation is better than none!
But that is all just potentially accidental, amateurish mistakes. Now let's get into something a bit more real.
When you sign up, you have to put in your email address. Understandable, sure. It is crypto stuff, there should be some level of verification etc.
But there isn't! You put in your email address and you get a single email (in Russian, and probably in your spam folder) that just says "Welcome. You signed up for the game Methereum.io". You don't even have to click a link to verify!
Digging a bit deeper into what that fucking means to potential players.... there is literally no player verification going on.
If you play roulette how do you know that most of the accounts you are playing against are not just one person??? Being a 100% win/lose with no additional fees, why wouldn't you just set up multiple accounts to increase your odds? As long as you are up against players who have put in more value than the bullets your accounts collectively spent to join then you have a fucking high chance of coming out ahead.
Now onto a major gameplay issue that they actually point out in the rules!
When fulfilling contracts the "police" may run a drug bust, which can force you to lose your lab, your goods, or you may go to jail (whatever the hell that means to the game). So basically their not-so-secret way to say that your initial investment into their game is not fucking good enough, and that they want to suck some more cash out of you if you somehow want to continue to play.
How fucking awesome would you feel to drop over $16000 on a top-tier lab just to lose it on a contract! Maybe they are just trying to simulate the feeling of a cavity search if you really got done for drugs - that awkward squirmy feeling while the colour drains out of your face (at a guess, never been on the end of that myself).
Another major detail - I can't find any information on the methereum crypto at all. For all I know this is a blockchain game but not a crypto game.
Does methereum exist outside of the game? What blockchain is it on? Is it the same as mEthereum (METHR), or just a random collision in naming?
But shit, if it is mEthereum, it has a value of zero everywhere I look despite that its value is supposed to be strictly tied to the value of Ethereum at a rate of 1 ETH = 1000 METHR, so that one looks like a total shitcoin.
But wait, there's more. Yep, I've kept the best one for last. The real deal-breaker, and I didn't even have to research anything to find it - this comes from their own words from the homepage right at the bottom:
Our game is a veiled redistribution scheme from previous participants to the previous one and is associated with certain risks.
Yep, they just fucking admitted their own game is a fucking Ponzi scheme!!!
But hey, at least they are honest about it 🤣
Yep, definitely another piece of shit to avoid. You would probably get more value from spending the money on actual drugs.
Between them admitting it is a Ponzi scheme, while also having such an incredibly tiny player count, and having completely fucking zero idea of how possible it is to lose your lab or what in-game jail time means, you are pretty much guaranteed to get screwed over by this game.