As the holidays are approaching, I wanted to take a moment to remind everyone, but especially those in the LGBT+ community that; you are seen, you are heard, you are deserving, you are worthy, you are capable, and you are enough! Holidays can be especially hard for those in the LGBT+ community, but I believe there's a lot of stress on all of us right now. We are still recovering from the pandemic and many families are without loved ones for another year. I know I will be without two friends, an uncle and a father this year.
I know many people, and myself, who have had so much personal growth in all ways in the past few years. For me the hardest thing to maintain around holidays are boundaries and anxiety around enforcing them. In this blog post, I want to address two major holiday issues we all face, but the LGBT+ community has some of the hardest battles with. Those issues are boundaries and loneliness.
For those who are alone during the holidays I encourage you to reach out to places like Youth Outright, Pflag or if you're religious your local religious institution to find out if they are doing any get-togethers – most of them will be. If you are heteronormative know that you are still welcome to those holiday gatherings with the LGBT+ communities; we are a proud loving group of people and will welcome you with open arms. We don’t believe anyone should be alone for the holidays. If you do have plans for the holidays, I encourage you to invite the ones you know who are going to be alone and be a friend to them. You don’t know how hard holidays alone are until you spend them alone; being there for someone will change their entire holiday and could save a life.
Boundaries get hard to establish and maintain around family and family friends. You can protect your boundaries and command respect without making a scene during holidays. Here’s how
1- You are not required to go anywhere where people will treat you poorly, out you, embarrass you, harass you or not accept you in any form. Don’t go. In my experience, it is better to be missed than disrespected. You can't change people, but you can ensure you don’t deal with bigotry or offensive behavior. Instead opt to go see friends, take a mini vacation for yourself, or go to a group that accepts you as you are. You'll have the time you deserve and that is more important than showing up for people who don’t respect you.
2- Politely, but sternly correct one time if someone mess up your name or pronouns. Accidents happen you should be polite about it, but don’t allow accidents to become habits. It is your job to be your advocate. I think the hardest thing to remember is that we are all adults and know how to treat each other so don’t make excuses for people who choose not to respect you. Remind them once and if it continues walk away. I find that being willing to leave a place where I am not respected and welcomed is far more powerful than arguing.
I'm putting some links below for you to check out and remember You are NOT alone. You ARE worthy. You ARE capable. You ARE deserving. You ARE seen. You ARE heard. You ARE loved. You ARE appreciated. You ARE Enough.
I cant wait to see how amazing your story turns out <3 - Regina
If you are suicidal, feel like hurting yourself or know someone who is Call or text 988
For Trans or LGBT Youth I suggest you check out Youth outright here - I participated in them in my teenage years and they can be a wonderful place to find support or meet friends. If the hyperlink doesn't work copy and paste https://www.youthoutright.org/
If you need immediate support in a time of crisis, please contact Trans Lifeline - at 877-565-886
A simple google search is often the best way to find support, answers, and those who are like you.
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