Anything obsessive, consuming, or compulsive has to exist for a reason. Any kind of personality deviation exists to balance something out. Fitness has been a part of me since the beginning—running, or just fixating on indoor exercises.

Insecurities piled up over the years.

I don’t mind that.

I used to think these goals were better, but I was chasing them for all the wrong reasons. This realization came when I got injured and wasn’t able to do anything.

It had become such a large chunk of my life that when it stopped, I didn’t feel anything. I stopped eating and was stuck in constant loops of illness. I had neglected some importnat aspects of my life just to chase the highs.

It took me about two years to get out of that slump. Now I go to the gym rarely. Mostly, I do basic stretches and a little bit of fitness.

I am still that freak, but I’ve toned it down a bit.

Some things just happen for good. Avoiding the chase of external validations. The progress is for myself and for that alone.