Let me tell you something: lending money is a fantastic way to see people in a whole new light. It’s like a test drive for relationships, minus the car. And minus the fun. You just hand someone cash and then watch as they slowly disappear from your life, leaving behind a trail of awkwardness and promises like, “I’ll pay you back next week for sure.”

But I’m not one to cry over lost money. I’ve got a simple rule: I only lend what I’m comfortable burying. Think of it as a small investment in total disappointment. If the amount is tiny, I might just go ahead and gift it. Why bother with the stress? I mean, why deal with the headache when I can just cut the person out of my life and move on?

As for borrowing, I don’t do it from people. What, do I look like an idiot? That’s what banks are for. Sure, they gouge you with interest, but at least they follow actual rules, not just some smirk that’s supposed to inspire trust. And here’s where the American circus kicks off: try asking someone to sign a promissory note when they ask to borrow from you. Watch their face twist like you just asked for one of their kidneys. “What, you don’t trust me? You think I’m some kind of scammer?” And that’s when things really get fun. If you just say "no" upfront, you’re still a decent person. But suggest a promissory note? Congratulations, you’ve just become public enemy number one. Don’t even mention interest rates unless you’re looking to get cursed out before you can finish saying "money."

Honestly, all the drama and theatrical sighs are just for show. People don’t pay back loans anyway. I’ve heard hundreds of stories about how money vanishes into thin air, just like the promises to pay it back. Even if you get a promissory note, even if you bring in a lawyer—your chances of seeing that money again are still 50/50 at best. Court battles? Forget it. That’s a whole new level of absurdity where you’re just playing the fool.

So yeah, I’ve decided my peace of mind is worth more. It’s easier to just say I’m broke, or that all my money’s tied up in some “urgent” expense. And no, I won’t be asking to borrow from you—I wouldn’t want to disappoint you.
But if you insist on donating, I’ll happily accept. After all, we’re friends, right?