We took a bus in the afternoon. I think it was about 1 pm. And the meal for the day: one piece of chicken. Well, no, let's spice it up a bit. I added some nice Tortillas to it. Something so cheap and everywhere to find, these plain, dry, filling tortillas. The main food for so many poor people and so full of chemicals coming from the States I am afraid of. If I think about all the pesticides that can be used and chemicals that are allowed by gray, shady lawbridges in developed countries, well I do not want to really know what is all in the food here. I know for sure that people don't know what they do here. It is quite simple: just don't educate them and let them use it for whatever. Well, some use the empty chemical bottles to fill with water to drink from. Yeah. We have to stop it. And as the problem doesn't go away when we wait for the powerful to do something, the less powerful aka us have to do, what is in our power. You will see, it is much more powerful than you think. I know that. But now back to that bus ride.

The bus was supposed to be there at one, we will have a seat, yes. And then some classical travelblog style 3rd world anectode: the bus arrived late, our bags were thrown between buckets of fish and chicken, and there was no seat left for us. We sat on the floor, eating tortillas and chicken. The door of the bus doesn't close, obviouslty, the bus itself has an unlimited space for humans, obviously, and the bus driver has to win the award of: drive as crazy fast as possible while chitchatting to your friend that sits next on the windshield. You end up believing in angels right away, just travel a bit around the world and you will encounter your faith. We arrived late at night up in the hot humid jungle area. The land of the crocodil, the panther and the snakes. Lagoon, forests and many mopeds. Now a little miracle. We met the owner of a hostel in the river area we were this morning. They normally never stop in that place and drive all the way through but for some reason, that one night they did stay due to delays, who knows, and ended up walking into us. And as they knew my friend they invited us to stay at their place for free for some time. What are the odds to walk into them, traveling the same route the same day, ending uop in the same little hostel that very night? Their hostel is magical. It is full of plants, animals (yes, you can literally eat your burrito or mushroom double cheese burger while a weird bird tweets for some crumbs and quickly picks them up before the turtle would get there. Well, quickly, no need for that in this case, but he did anyways. And boy were there many tourists. It was full of people chatting, laughing, beer bottles being opened. It was amazing. I loved it! And as I got to know the place we got a room with AC for free. For two nights. I was very thankful. What I did the next day, I have no idea. But I for sure dreamt of some action with a female as it has been a while. In my case it often stays a dream not because I am incredibly ugly or stupid, ignorant nor arrogant, it is simply my rather untalented social skills. Why I will explain later, it is not time for that yet. So the two days passed and we started to treat the people around with some bio electric machines that run frequencies through a humans body. Later we would move to a bigger room, more private. WIth a sauna we never tried. With yoga studio, in which I never took one session. It is one of those things I learn every day again. DO not hesitate for too long when something interests you. Go for it. Try it out and don't if you don't feel like it. I hestitate more than I like and often in retrospective regret not being spontaneous enough. Girls were around too, plenty, some quite interested. But how to start to move? Dance? What to talk about? What if I am boring, stupid? How to continue? Should I make a joke? It could be offensive, you never know. There is plenty of uncertainties that I would stay wuite and give an impression of being uninterested, yet, it is quite the opposite. We all have out shadows. We all have our strange fears and doubts, hussles and obstacles that hold us back from really going for what we want. Me writing this here is one of them too, actually. And you know, as one that had many fears, I have to say, it is the most refreshing thing to do to just move against your mental bs pile of reasons not to go for what you want and do it anyways. This of course does not come without consequences, but everything has in the end, even not moving at all or being afraid your life. It has a consequence. So I should go out now and talk to every girl I enjoy talking to, right? Yeah, well, maybe tomorrow. And we just found a second one of my specialties. Procrastination. Why people do that? Well, it keeps you safe for a while. AS long as you don't move, you can still move as nothing has been done yet. But opportunities come and go fast, and it is but an illusion that procrastinating really make something better. Its that powerful moment, a blink of an eye, where you decide something, that is hard to do and might make you uncomfortable, but it will release so much power and energy that might have been stuck for so long, that you might be surprised. One night I did finally talk to a girl. And I even did, in my way, talk about stuff. I had but one goal: to kiss her. So I sat there for a while and thought about this what I just wrote. And at some point I finally ask her, if it would be ok to kiss her. She agreed. And we kissed. And while I enjoyed those very comforting lips I also enjoyed and celebrated my very personal victory. Of course the mind then comes up with ideas of: oh god, now how do I stop? What do I say next? Do I move to a next level? Our mind, or mine at least, always finds some crazy thing to worry about and it has prevented me from some problems, yes, but it has also destroyed quite some very beautiful moments. That one kiss thought I did keep in a good memory and I smile thinking of it. Because in the end, it is somehow so meaningless, I don't think she might even remember my name, but yet it is such a lovely memory of a little victory of myself over myself that it is quite meaningful. I guess it is about perspective. 

We stayed in our new room for quite a while. Maybe a month. Our 300 USD were soon used up and the three of us did some medium voluntary fasting. Because we could work and get some money in, but I was very shy to even talk to someone, very shy of promoting something. So I preferred the hunger and the fact that I didn't really fail because I didn't even try. But it left a bitter aftertaste. I felt I had to do something. Every now and then some money came in, but soon it became obvious. We lived a similar life in a cloud of laissez faire life style with no real direction, no real passion. I encountered my old stories, my old self, my fears. So why not go out and take care of some people? 

Well, this was it for today. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QHKXExXpa1U