Raging Toaster in front of a RollerMacPro in the game Rollercoin

Rollercoin? More like GrindForPennies.

By Raging Toaster | Toaster RAGE | 25 Apr 2021

You've probably heard of Rollercoin by now - play a game about mining Bitcoin and earn a few pennies worth of actual Bitcoin. You know what sucks though? You need 0.0001 BTC (10k Satoshis) to cash out. To get to that point, you have to grind a whole lot of repetitive timed arcade games to somehow power up your in-game PC and make it temporarily mine cryptocoins faster. Dang, if my real life rig worked like that, I wouldn't be looking for a job!

The more games you win, the more your in-game PC gets upgraded. That makes the mining power earned from games last longer. The best PC is a "RollerMacPro" of all things. It looks like an iMac and it's more powerful than the one that looks like an actual gaming rig... Okay whatever. Anyway, your power lasts a week with that thing, so basically you can play until you're just past halfway to the cash-out minimum, and if it's been less than a week since you started racking up a bunch of power, you can just quit playing, come back in a week, and cash out once your power decays to zero.

You can also take the coins you mine in the game and re-invest them to buy these weaksauce miners that add a tiny amount of permanent mining power. Apparently you somehow have to pay for electricity for them too. I don't know. I haven't gotten that far, and I don't plan to because the miners aren't worth a crap unless you're in this game for the long haul. Even then I'm not so sure.

So, are the games good? Meh. Could be worse. They're all time-limited and a lot of them give you a health bar with three hit points. They get harder the more you win, which makes the rewards higher and the cooldown timer longer, so at least it rewards you for skill. The difficulty decays back to level 1 over a few hours if you don't keep playing each game. I'll tear each game apart for you.

  • Coinclick: Some hamster throws coins and bombs over the fence. Click the coins, not the bombs. Boring!
  • Token Blaster: It's kind of like a time-limited Galaga with three hitpoints and some power-ups. You're going to need both. You need the power ups to beat higher difficulties in the allotted time, and the hitpoints to grab them because they often come down on top of bullets or attacking aliens. To win, bite the bullet and grab the powerup anyway. Just don't get hit unless you're doing it on purpose. You can only get hit twice per game. The third time is game over.
  • Flappy Rocket: It's just flappy bird, but there's a pointless countdown timer, you have three lives, and there's a hamster in a rocket instead of a dumb-looking bird. Higher difficulty makes the rocket go faster. Flap until you reach the goal score.
  • Cryptonoid: So imagine the annoyingness of Breakout, but on a time limit with some powerups. Again, you have three hitpoints, which translates to three balls. If you want my advice, the gun powerup is worth losing a ball if you can hit something with every bullet. You can also control the angle that the ball bounces up by making it hit a different part of your paddle bouncer thingy - and you better be good at it if you want to get very high in the difficulty.
  • Coinmatch: Imagine Bejeweled on a time limit with cryptocoin icons instead of jewels. That's basically this game. Rack up a certain number of points to win. It gets more annoying the higher the difficulty goes.
  • Crypto Hamster: It's a clone of something... I think the original was a mobile game called "Space Hamster," so they pretty much just renamed it. This one doesn't have three lives. If you run out of places to stand and bounce up into one of those annoying UFOs, it's game over. FYI, you can land next to the stationary enemies on platforms, and you will sometimes need to in order to survive.
  • 2048 coins: It's 2048 with cryptocoin icons instead of numbers, and you have a limited time to rack up a certain number of points depending on the difficulty.
  • Coinflip: It's literally just one of those matching games where you turn cards over, only the cards have cooling fans in the back, and cryptocoin icons on the front. I think the background is supposed to be a server rack. It's a good way to "rack" up points though. Terrible pun intended. I'm not sorry.
  • Dr. Hamster: A Doctor Mario clone with Bitcoin, Tether, and Dash icons. I find it easiest and fastest to win by killing the viruses, but you can also just match up lines of blocks to rack up the score. This is one of the easier games.
  • Token Surfer: The worst platformer I've played in a while. The jump is terribly floaty and feels like something a highschooler wrote. You have three hitpoints (which you will need) and a time limit. Pick up enough coins to reach a goal, and you win.
  • Coming Soon: There's several duplicates of this game, and you can't even play it. The name is stupid too.

Did I mention you can still rack up score if you lose the games? When you die, you can either keep the score you've got, or discard it and try for a better one. At higher difficulty, it may be worth trying again with some of the games, while others (like 2048 coins) become basically impossible to win after a certain difficulty level, so just take your winnings and bug out.

Like most crappy crypto games, there's a referral program. This one gives you 25% of the profits your referrals make. So, if you want to help me reach the cash out goal sometime in the next freaking month, here's my link: https://rollercoin.com/?r=knud5hxv

Honestly, I could probably reach the goal in about a week I grind like a grease-stained WoW player, but I'm not addicted to this crap... I don't think. I hope not. I don't have time for that. I'm a toaster, and I have Pop Tarts to burn! (This blog is NOT sponsored by Pop Tart.)

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Raging Toaster
Raging Toaster

Ever heard of a gaming toaster? Now you've met one, complete with intolerable sarcasm and MEME RAGE!

Toaster RAGE
Toaster RAGE

This blog is mostly me sarcastically shredding crypto games for not making me a millionaire over night. The rest is mostly my seething rage against the state of privacy on the internet and pretty much everywhere else. GOOGLE! You don't need to know my bathroom habits! I also ruthlessly rip on centralized tech, communism, Google, and other big tech companies for your amusement. If you don't think I'm hilarious, why are you wasting your time reading this? Am I actually informative or something?

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