When we take an offense against someone, we probably look like this kitten.

At least, I do, because when I disagree nobody takes me seriously.

All jokes aside, I believe there are people like me who are feeling like they’ve been treated wrongly.

I often feel this way and have to deal with negative thoughts toward someone. In the end, I prefer friendship over the offense. I believe love is the only right attitude toward everyone.

I feel offended, but I don’t want to take offense.

Over a couple of years, I picked up a few perspectives that help me choose love over frustration.

1. No one is required to be just like me

We like people that are similar to us in one way or another. It’s not some kind of emotional attachment that makes us like someone. It’s all about the resonance with our character and values.

The difference in someone's actions, decisions and speech causes us to disconnect from that person emotionally. Instead of positive feelings filled with the agreement, negative emotions fill us. That is how and why we dislike people.

We don’t like what doesn’t resonate with who we are.

Expecting everyone to be like me and to agree with everything I do or say is an unrealistic expectation. It’s a highway leading to offenses and breakups between groups and individuals.

If I would only let my tongue loose to speak out all the negativity, there would be great damage done to the friendships. All of it because of a comparison that shouldn’t have been there in the beginning.

No one is required to be like someone else. We are truly called to imitate only One person — God (Ephesians 5:1).

We are not created to be identical. Those differences actually make us strong and effective when we team-up for a purpose.

“If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell?” (1 Corinthians 12:17, ESV).

As soon as I let go of this unhealthy demand in my heart. As soon as I stop expecting everyone to be just like me, I am set free. Frustrations and negative feelings went away. I started to get to know people for who they are without trying to pull them to my way of life and thinking.

There’s a lot of beauty in diversity. God’s made countless snowflakes, but you won’t find two that look the same.

Differences are a positive quality of a group of people. They are to be embraced, not removed. They’re not the weakness but the strength.

2. Walking in someone else’s shoes

Quite often I was rubbed in a wrong way by my leaders.

Well, a pastor should never do mistakes, right?

Of course, leaders serve us by being examples. They shouldn’t do wrong things on purpose.

A good leader helps people to leave the current place and move forward. Most of the time this process isn’t pleasant for the follower. Growing requires vulnerability and exposure of details that most of the time one would like to hide.

If a leader seeks to please everyone he won’t lead anyone anywhere. Pointing at certain issues and solutions can be offensive to some.

I was one of those people who was quietly evaluating my leaders and looking for mistakes. This attitude stopped me from growing and made it harder for those that only wanted to help me.

A leader will never change to be like me but will lift me up to be like him. I’m to be led by the leader. Opposition and desire to overtake the leader is called rebellion.

At the same time, leaders are not immune to this world. They are being bombarded with problems, the weight of responsibilities and unexpected negative surprises in life as much as I do.

Maybe even more because they think not only about themselves but also about those that they lead.

To be a pastor requires a big selfless heart. Selflessness in this sense means leaving your desires and pains behind and considering the growth of someone else as a higher priority.

It took a couple of weeks to walk in the leader’s shoes to understand where I was wrong. I thought that a leader somehow doesn’t have difficulties and challenges. I had a strange idea that leading people is a walk in a park where you can focus on leadership without any other factors that make it difficult.

Turns out, it’s not a walk in a park, but a painful sacrifice of yourself. In the end, this sacrifice has a huge potential to become a reward in seeing changed lives.

This truth for me not only melted any desire to be disappointed about the decision of the leadership but also brought a lot of respect.

3. There is never a good enough reason for offense

I can learn something good from everyone. Even if there’s nothing good to find. As someone said,

“I’m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.”

I’m not completely serious about it, but this quote shows that there is no reason for offense.

Jesus told us to seek and gave a promise that we shall find it (Matthew 7:7). If we seek a reason to be offended we will find it. Sadly offense doesn’t offer any benefits only a fake sense of superiority.

There is no advantage in carrying bitterness in your heart. No good thing that can come out of the offense. It breaks relationships, creates a distance among people, and divides churches.

Most of the time for a small reason. The reason that was taken in as a seed, conceived and given birth to division and broken relationships.

It’s important to understand that the enemy is passionately hating people. It's who he is. He’s never going to rejoice over the victories or the strong friendships. He will always fight to kill, steal and destroy what God has built.

Instead, I decided to seek to see good in people. It’s comforting to know the promise that I will find it. I also believe that looking for the good in someone helps that person to change for the better. No matter how bad things were before.

Bonus advice

Love is more of a choice than a feeling. When I feel negative emotion toward someone, I pray.

I pray for the person and myself, for eyes to see God’s perspective of the situation, for the heart to have love instead of offense.

It always helps to overcome negative feelings. If the thoughts attack again, I pray again. If they don’t stop, I make a rule in my heart to make these emotions as a reminder to pray for that particular person.

I’ve never been disappointed with the results of these prayers. I saw significant changes in my heart and the actions of others without even speaking about the issue.

Conclusion

I see the offense as an enemy. It comes to steal the fellowship, kill the trust and destroy relationships.

If you look close enough you’ll notice that it’s very rare for a human being to honestly and consistently do bad. Bad actions are a mistake. They come because you or your friend believed a lie. A lie is something God has never intended for you to take in our hearts as reality.

We have a choice to make. It’s between love and hatred. There is an infinite number of both you can find when you look for them.

I’ve had so many reasons to be offended disappointed in my leaders and in my friends. They are completely different from me. They do strange choices. It seems like they make mistakes I would never do. But is that really true?

The grace of God gave us something we haven’t deserve. God saw the good in us and decided to invest in it. He didn’t get offended by our mistakes.

If God didn’t give up on us, we shouldn’t give up on each other. Let’s believe the best. Let’s throw every reason for offense once and for all.

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