The Father as the Future

I am my child's future. What I do in the now will always have lasting effects, long after I clock out. This is my focus as a parent. I must come to understand that, just as my parents affected my adult life with abuse they heaped upon me as a child, so I shape my child's adult life by showing her what it is to develop a passion for wisdom and learning. I do not argue with her and tell her she is wrong, just because “I know more than you.” I listen to her and see if there is anything I can possibly learn from what she has to say. In doing so, I teach her to always be learning.

“I'm older than you, I'm wiser than you, I know more than you. Don't ever argue with me. I am your father.” So? Who cares? You're still human, just as I am. Therefore, you know just as much as I do. If I lorded over my child the same line of crap that my father hurled at me, I would destroy her ability to succeed in life.

“Hannah. Develop a passion for learning.” I told her that before she could even speak. Then I demonstrated what a passion for learning looked like to me. I had my conversations with her mother and would look for things that I didn't already know. Then I would focus on them and ask questions. Then her mother would do the same. So, she saw first hand what learning looks like. “Always ask 'why'.” Maybe I should have put that another way because I didn't realize that she would become just as much the troll as I am, but the principle remains: look deeper into a thing to understand it, don't just take it at face value; this is how you gain wisdom.

If I want to be successful as a father, then it is entirely on me to demonstrate Bruce Lee's principle of “Become water.” I must show my child how to adapt, and to learn, and to change. I must show her what humility looks like. I must show her everything I want her to be. Because children do what they see.