Good Morning Everyone!
I hope everyone had a good day, my day on the other hand, did not turn out to be anything like I had hoped. And when I woke up tonight (as I work graveyard) within five minutes my day was already just in the toilet.
Above I've listed the song of the day, I'm going to try to include these each day. The song listed above is Olivia Rodrigo's Brutal. I think that's a very good way to explain how my day's have been going recently.
Since I've had a virus I haven't been able to take my immune suppressant injection that I take every two weeks. That's the rule. You stop injections when you have a virus. Because you could become very ill and wind up in the hospital. I definitely didn't want that. So by stopping my injections for the past two weeks my autoimmune diseases have begun to flare once again and I'm not doing all too well.
The pain is overwhelming. I'm exhausted from it. I'm having a hard time simply getting out of bed right now. With so much to do with my Dad having been gone it's been a lot on my plate. I'm really struggling to keep myself going.
Yesterday was mainly spent in my bed with expensive kitty. She kept me company while I didn't feel well. I slept quite a lot. Like I said, I was so fatigued, I could barely move. Autoimmune diseases are no joke! As someone with five of them sometimes when they all battle me at once I just completely crumble into the ground.
It's been really hard lately because I've felt a lot like I have no support. Yes I have amazing friends. But in terms of whom I live with it's been hard. Mamma has been gone all year. She has so much on her plate I don't want to stress her out even more. My Dad is overwhelmed enough as it is and again I try my best not to stress him. I also have my brother and his wife who live here. But something you should know is my brother and I don't really get along. It isn't that I don't try, I'm always trying. My brother is a difficult want to live with. His temper, his attitude, his past actions have made it very hard for me to live with him.
I continue to hold my head up, but mainly I just hide in my own home because I don't feel comfortable leaving. Sometimes even my room doesn't feel safe. Sometimes it feels as if I'm suffocating here. I wish I could get out. But right now, especially with my job on the line right now, it isn't an option. I should find out by next week if my job is safe or not. If it is I'm making plans to begin saving to prepare to move out with my friend Frost. Because this isn't a healthy environment for me.
Yesterday was hard because I was so sick and couldn't really do what I wished to do. But I still tried my very best to keep going the best I could. That's something I'm known for. My resilience. I've never been one who gives up. I may get down on myself sometimes. But give up, not in my blood.
I talked with my partner. I really wish I could have him with me. But right now isn't the right time. I'm never someone who believes in waiting for the right time, at the same time I have common sense and I'm aware that I can't currently afford to go see him and same in the opposite direction for him. We live on two separate continents. It's not as simple as a road trip sadly.
One day we will get to physically be together and that day I will cherish so much. But for now I need to make sure to take care of myself. Which is what I tried to do yesterday as best as I could considering the circumstances.
I did wind up taking a walk in the snow. We are in the middle of a snow storm. But I needed to head down to the local small pet store in hopes that they were open as my kitty was running out of food and I didn't want her to run out of food in the snow storm and us not be able to get her food. That wouldn't have been a good thing. Luckily I got there just in time, she was going to close up early for the day due to the weather. So I was able to stock up on Taffy's food for the storm.
The best way I can describe what I did today was simply distract myself in every way possible. My favorite True Crime Youtuber Bailey Sarian. I watched a couple of her videos to distract me from the pain I was going through. I laid in bed and listened to music. Music is my life. It's what gets me through all of the hard times I go through. Sent songs back and forth to Dammie (My long distance partner) and we sent each other TikToks.
Having Dammie was a huge help yesterday. He always helps me get through the hard times. His support is truly appreciated. I'm so grateful to have someone in my life who cares so much for me. Even through the distance he still shows up for me every single day.
Went to bed really late, slept so much during the day that I didn't sleep much when I was supposed to. But that's what naps are for. But as soon as I woke up today more drama hit my plate from the family down in California. It's truly brutal right now... I was debating on if I even wanted to write today since I felt like I didn't have anything positive to say.
But writing is what I do. Writing is what makes me happy and I don't want to give up on that.
Any advice I can give you today is that we all have those days, and yes, sometimes those days turn into phases in our lives. Just don't give up. I know it's hard sometimes. The best thing you can do is to make sure to show up for yourself. Even if in only small ways. You're valuable, remember that. Bad days, bad phases come into our lives and we just have to stare them down! We will get through this. You're way more powerful than you give yourself credit for. So go take the day my storm. Even if all you do today is survive, I'm proud of you.
Comments are always open for anyone who needs support.
- Salem
