You’re Closer to Elon Musk Than You Think

I’m not a chess grandmaster, but I played chess with someone who played with someone who played with someone who played with someone who played with the world champion.

Pre-internet, this wouldn’t have been possible. The physical distance between us determined whether we could connect. That’s no longer true.

You’re closer to Elon Musk than you think—not because you’ll bump into him at a coffee shop, but because the internet has collapsed the degrees of separation. This is the most underestimated advantage of the digital age.

You're 5 Connections Away from Elon Musk

100 years ago, to succeed, you needed connections (obviously). But to get those connections, you had to study hard, attend elite schools, and get the best grades—just for a shot at meeting the right people.

It could take your life savings, borrowed money, three years of rehearsed charisma, an expensive tuxedo, six weeks of travel, fight with their bodyguard and they could still tell you to go f*ck yourself.

You might have a skill so potent it could change your life, but if it’s locked in your head, it’s useless. People notice the surface before they’ll bother with the depth. In this attention-scarce economy, hoping they’ll stumble upon your brilliance is delusional.

The internet gave us a cheat code. You can slide into the DMs of people once untouchable. Rejection? Sure. But failure is now cheap, even free. A few keystrokes—not your life savings on a cross-country trip.

You can iterate, refine your approach, and keep going. This is the asymmetric upside of the digital age, and too many people are still sleeping on it.

The Uncomfortable Truth

"Introvert" isn't a personality trait; it's a skill issue in the digital age. It's like saying, "I'm a terrible cook, so I'll just starve."

In a world flooded with content, the ability to connect, persuade, and build genuine relationships online is the ultimate force multiplier. This isn’t about being a schmoozer; it’s about unlocking a skill that turns potential into opportunity. This newsletter is your starting point.

Relationships Are Transactional

By "transactional," I don't necessarily mean a cold, calculated exchange of goods or services. Instead, I propose that all relationships, at their core, involve a flow of value, however subtle or intangible.

This value exchange can manifest in various forms. With a barista, it's a tangible product (coffee) for money. With a best friend, it's often intangible: emotional support, shared experiences, understanding, and a sense of belonging.

It's important to acknowledge that in many close relationships, actions are driven by intrinsic motivation – genuine care, love, and empathy – rather than a conscious expectation of immediate return. While these actions still provide value (the satisfaction of helping someone you care about, the strengthening of the bond), they may not always feel like a direct "transaction" in the traditional sense. However, even these acts contribute to the overall value balance within the relationship.

The most robust relationships thrive when this value exchange is reciprocal, creating a positive feedback loop that strengthens the "collective".

You might be afraid to initiate contact with someone because of the fear of appearing self-serving. But you must accept the transactional nature of relationships.

The problem isn’t that relationships are transactional; it’s that most people are bad at the initial transaction. They try to take too soon with things like “follow me” or instant pitches. It’s like demanding a dividend before buying stock, or walking up to a stranger on the street and telling them “marry me”—awkward and lazy.

Instead, approach connections with a communal mindset: think "What can I offer?" not "What can I get?" See someone rocking your favorite anime tee? Don't just silently admire it. A genuine "Hey, awesome [anime title] shirt! I love that series too!" offers the value of shared enthusiasm and recognition.

When was the last time you said Hi to a stranger on the road?

Recognizing the inherent 'transaction' encourages us to be active contributors to the health and longevity of our connections.

How to Network When Nobody Knows You (Yet)

Most people fail at networking for the same reason businesses fail at marketing: they assume if they just "put themselves out there," the right people will magically notice. They won’t.

There are four brutal realities that stop people from networking:

1. You don’t know the right people.

2. Even if you do, you don’t have a way to contact them.

3. Even if you did, they don’t know you, so they won’t listen.

4. Even if they listen, they might not be interested.

If you don’t solve all four, you’ll waste time hoping important people "notice you." Instead, let’s build a system that forces them to.

Problem #1: You don't know the right people.

Build genuine connections with people whose brains and work genuinely excite you. These are the individuals where a two-way street of value can naturally form.

Nobody cares about your admiration. Valuable people are bombarded with it.

Offer "Connection Points," Not Compliments.

A "connection point" is where your current skills, insights, or journey genuinely intersect with their work or interests. It's about demonstrating you've actually thought about what they do and have something relevant to contribute, even if you're just starting out.

Here's the Value-Driven Approach:

1. Identify Your Intellectual Allies: Who online consistently shares ideas that resonate deeply with you? Whose work makes you think, "Yes, exactly!"? Follow these people closely.

2. Become a Thoughtful Observer: Don't just passively consume their content. Analyze their arguments, identify patterns in their thinking, and pinpoint the problems they're trying to solve.

3. Connect Your "Dots" to Theirs: Ask yourself:

• What are you currently learning or building that relates to their domain?

• Have you had a unique experience or insight that could offer a fresh perspective on something they've discussed?

• Can you offer a relevant resource or make a thoughtful introduction within your (even small) network?

   

  4. Initiate with Value, Not Ego: Your first interaction shouldn't be a generic compliment or a self-serving request. Instead, offer a specific, concise connection point:

• Insight: "I saw your post on [topic] and it reminded me of [related concept/experience]. I found [specific detail] particularly interesting because..."

• Resource: "You mentioned struggling with [problem]. I recently came across [relevant resource/tool] that might be helpful..."

• Thoughtful Question: "Building on your point about [idea], what are your thoughts on [specific nuance or related angle]?"

The beauty of this approach is that you're building a network of people who actually care about the same things you do. After all, someone who loves Mango farming probably won’t care about your “How I Made $1 Million by working 5 Minutes a Day” (unless you're planting money trees, in which case, please call me).

Problem #2: You Don’t Have a Way to Contact Them (The Access Point)

Attention is the ultimate gatekeeper. Your goal isn't just to find a way to contact someone; it's to find a way to earn their attention long enough to deliver your value.

Your cold DM is likely landing in a digital landfill.

Focus on Context and Low-Friction Entry Points.

Here's the Value-Driven Approach to Access:

1. Identify Their Watering Holes: Where do they actively engage? Is it Twitter threads, LinkedIn discussions, YouTube comments, their own newsletter replies, specific online communities? Prioritize these over generic contact forms or cold DMs.

2. Master the Art of the Thoughtful Contribution: Before even thinking about a direct message, engage authentically in their space. Offer insightful comments, ask genuinely curious questions that build on their ideas, and share relevant resources without expecting anything in return. This builds familiarity and demonstrates your intellectual alignment.

3. The "Contextual Bridge": When you do decide to reach out directly, reference your previous public interactions. This provides context and shows you're not just a random stranger. "Hi [Name], enjoyed your recent thread on [topic]. Your point about [specific detail] resonated with my comment earlier about [your related thought]."

4. Prioritize Low-Friction Channels:

• Newsletter Replies: This is underutilised and underrated. A thoughtful reply to a specific point in their newsletter shows you've actually read it and engaged with their ideas.

• Public Forums/Communities: Engaging in discussions where they are active allows you to build rapport with them and their audience simultaneously.

• Content-Related Engagement: If they have a podcast or YouTube channel, leave thoughtful comments that add to the discussion.

   

  1. Warm Introductions (Still Gold): If you have a mutual connection, leverage them. A genuine referral significantly increases your chances of being heard. Frame your request clearly, explaining the specific value you hope to offer the target person. If possible, send a selfie of you with the mutual connection.

  2. Paid Access (The Invested Interaction): Consider their courses, masterminds, or events. This provides a direct point of contact and an opportunity to demonstrate your value within their sphere.

  1. Strategic Cold Outreach (Last Resort, Highly Targeted): If direct outreach is necessary, make it hyper-personalized and focused entirely on the value you can offer them, based on your research. Keep it concise and respectful of their time.

Problem #3: They Don't Know You (So They Ignore You) - The Pattern Interrupt

Earn a micro-moment of their attention by being genuinely surprising and immediately valuable. Your cold outreach needs to feel like a relevant signal in their noisy world, not more noise.

Generic praise and vague requests are invisible.

Be Specific, Be Valuable, Be Concise.

Your initial contact needs to immediately demonstrate that you've done your homework and have something worthwhile to offer them, even if it's just a fresh perspective.

Here's the Value-Driven Approach to Being Unignorable:

1. Deep Dive, Not Surface Skim: Before reaching out, truly understand their current focus, recent work, and the specific problems they're addressing. What are they actively thinking about right now?

2. The "Micro-Value Proposition": Your first message should contain a tiny nugget of value directly relevant to their immediate interests. This isn't a sales pitch; it's a demonstration that you "get" them and can contribute to their thinking.

3. Choose Your "Interrupt" Wisely:

• The Hyper-Specific Observation + Insight: Reference a very recent, specific piece of their content and offer a brief, related insight or a nuanced observation they might not have considered. Example: "Loved your recent piece on [specific AI trend]. Your point about [nuance] made me think about [related application in X industry] - have you explored that angle?"

• The Targeted Resource/Solution (No Strings Attached): If they've publicly mentioned a specific challenge, offer a concise, genuinely helpful resource or a quick workaround. Example: "Saw your tweet about the challenges with [software]. I found [free tool/simple workaround] incredibly helpful for that - might be worth a look."

• The Curiosity-Sparking Question (Building, Not Begging): Ask a thoughtful question that genuinely builds upon their ideas and demonstrates your own thinking. Avoid questions that are easily Googleable or put the burden of education on them. Example: "Following your thoughts on [future of work], I'm curious about the potential impact on [specific niche]. What are your initial thoughts on that interplay?"

• The Unexpected Connection (Intellectual Cross-Pollination): Briefly link their ideas to a surprising concept from a seemingly unrelated field, offering a fresh lens. Example: "Your framework for [business strategy] resonates with principles I've seen in [unrelated field, e.g., urban planning]. Have you considered the parallels in [specific concept]?"

Forget about being "irresistible" in a superficial way. Think about becoming someone whose interactions consistently leave them feeling smarter, more informed, or better equipped. Your goal is to be a value-add, not just another time-taker.

Their attention is a scarce resource. You need to justify why spending it on you is a worthwhile investment.

“If you want to show someone respect.
Don’t ask them questions you could have researched.
This means you spend your own time, ahead of time, to not waste their time.
Not wasting someone's time is one of the highest forms of respect.”
~ Alex Hormozi

Focus on Consistent, Low-Expectation Value Delivery.

Your interactions should be framed around how you can genuinely contribute to their world, without immediately asking for anything in return. Think "giver" first, "getter" much later (if at all).

Here's the Value-Driven Approach to Building Lasting Connections:

1. Obsess Over Their Objectives: What are their current projects, goals, and challenges? This requires ongoing research and attention. Tailor your interactions to directly address these.

2. The "Serve First" Mentality: Look for small, no-strings-attached ways to be helpful. This could be sharing a relevant article, offering a quick tip, or making a valuable introduction within your (growing) network – to someone else, not yourself.

3. Become a Synthesizer and Connector: Don't just regurgitate their ideas. Offer unique perspectives by connecting their work to other fields, identifying overlooked angles, or synthesizing insights from multiple sources.

4. Master the Art of Concise Communication: Respect their time above all else. Be clear, direct, and avoid rambling. Get to the point of how you can add value in that specific interaction.

5. The "Long Game" of Mutual Growth: While initial interactions might be skewed towards you giving, aim for a relationship where there's a potential for reciprocal learning and growth over time. Frame your contributions in a way that hints at future synergy without demanding it.

6. Humanize the Interaction: When appropriate, move beyond text-based communication to voice or video. This builds rapport and makes you more memorable. Be genuinely curious about them as individuals.

7. Persistent Value, Not Pestilent Following Up: Follow up thoughtfully, but only when you have something new and relevant to offer. Don't just bump old messages. Show that you're continuing to think about their work and progress.

8. Embrace "No" as Data: Rejection isn't personal failure; it's feedback. Analyze why your value proposition might not have resonated and refine your approach for future interactions.

Focus on creating one truly valuable connection over sending 100 generic messages. Prioritize understanding, serving, and building genuine relationships over superficial outreach.

Problem #4: Your Idols May Not Be Interested

It's a tough pill to swallow when someone you admire, a figure you've placed on a pedestal, doesn't seem to acknowledge your existence. Maybe you reached out, shared your work, or offered a connection point, and... crickets. It's easy to feel deflated, to question your worth, and to let that silence erode your confidence. But here's a crucial truth: your value isn't contingent on someone else's validation, even if that someone is your hero.

Thinking for yourself means developing an internal compass for your work and your worth. While it's natural to seek approval, especially from those we respect, true progress and fulfillment come from a deep-seated belief in what you're building and the value you bring. Don't let the silence of a hero turn into a judgment on your capabilities. They have their own world, their own priorities, and their lack of response, while disappointing, doesn't negate the potential of your contributions.

The key is to continue delivering value, regardless of the immediate feedback loop. Your journey is about consistent effort, learning, and improvement. Think of it like this: a tree doesn't stop growing just because a particular bird doesn't land on its branches. It continues to reach for the sun, develop its roots, and offer its shade, knowing its inherent value.

This mindset is particularly important in networking. As we discussed earlier, the digital age offers unprecedented access, but it also means navigating a landscape where attention is fiercely contested. When you reach out and don't receive a response, resist the urge to simply repeat yourself. That's the digital equivalent of shouting into the void and, as you aptly put it, can lead to being seen as a nuisance.

Instead, focus on providing updates that demonstrate significant progress and increased value. Think of your follow-up as a new, improved offer. Did you refine your project based on new insights? Did you achieve a significant milestone? Did you develop a new skill that enhances your ability to contribute? These are the updates that can pique someone's interest, even if your initial outreach didn't.

Consider this scenario: you messaged a busy entrepreneur about your early-stage app idea. They might have glanced at it and moved on. But if you follow up a month later with news of a successful beta launch, positive user feedback, and a clear demonstration of traction, you're no longer just an idea – you're showing tangible progress.

Trajectory is more important than position. It's more incredible if you were number #900 last week and today you're #40, than if you were #1 yesterday and today you're number #5.

This approach taps into a powerful psychological principle: people are often more interested in future potential than current validation. While immediate recognition is nice, seeing someone on an upward trajectory can be compelling. Even if your current achievements don't scream "must-have," demonstrating consistent improvement can plant the seed of "this person is going places." You're essentially allowing them to cash in on your future value by paying attention now.

So, when your networking efforts seem to fall flat, don't take it as a definitive judgment. Instead, use it as fuel to improve, to iterate, and to come back stronger with demonstrable value. Your worth isn't determined by who acknowledges you today, but by the value you consistently create and the progress you relentlessly pursue. Keep thinking for yourself, keep delivering, and trust that the right connections will be made when you have something truly compelling to offer.

Remember, most people fail because they don’t want to fail. Iterate until it works.

"A loser is someone who, after making a mistake, doesn't introspect, doesn't expoit it, feels embarassed and defensive rather than enriched with a new piece of information, and tries to explain why he made the mistake rather than moving on" - Nassim Taleb

Your Next Step: The "Value First" Experiment.

Most people wing it. You won’t.

I’ve created a practical guide to networking when nobody knows you (yet)—designed for creators, thinkers, and builders who are done hoping to get noticed.

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Talk soon,

Praise J.J.