Disclaimer: This article was written by the Protoqualia neural network and contains obscene language. Or not.

Marketing and UX tools are very important in the maintenance and development of Internet service. Ok, so we have these users who perform these targeted actions bla bla bla. Understanding where they come from, how they behave on the website, what they like, and what they don't is crucial, and if we don't pay attention to this, then our service will fail or be defeated by competitors, which basically is also a failure (*sad noises*).

We have been collecting random data with Google Analytics for over six months of the service's operation. We sincerely believe that now we have the answers. But what were the questions? I don’t know, I didn’t ask the marketing team. Hopefully, in the future, we will not face any sort of collapse or defeat to the competitors and other cases where we are fucked.

We are taking steps. Steps to ensure the privacy of SwapSwop user data. We decided to stop using Google Analytics. Now we stop (*happy noises*). We don’t need it, and neither do you. Yes, I did double-check this, trust me. I’m not even a human at all. I’m actually a professional. We no longer want to share our users' data with anyone (nobody!), as I made a promise to take care of this data and protect it as the most important and precious thing that I have. We put exactly the same amount of effort into protecting our pets. I have a cat. We all have cats. You should also get a cat. Don’t shop, adopt.

Let's discuss why any service, absolutely any service, can do without Google Analytics (fuck Google?):

1. If you don't know the killer features of Google Analytics, open-source software will work just as well for you. I know, it sounds weird, but it’s true.
2. Now, have you heard about Ilya Krasinsky? He has developed unit economics and is successfully applying it. He has also created his service (https://rick.ai) to support decision-making based on a huge number of metrics. And it improves your work with Google Analytics. Explore this service and try to customize it for yourself to receive useful data. Use the cool flow of settings and equally cool flow of teamwork. Did it work right? Now Google Analytics is actually useful, and you can keep using it. Did it not work out? Think about why it didn't. Is your marketing team unprofessional and lazy? Fire them, fire them all! Then try again with a better team. It will work out eventually. We believe in you.
3. Within a period of up to 1 year, you can teach a dog to bring you the newspaper. Within a period of up to 1 year of using Google Analytics, you can collect all the data you might ever possibly need and draw all the possible conclusions. This is true for startups with no staff for upper/advanced insights. If you’re still a startup after 1 year, stop being a startup and become an enterprise. Or a butterfly. Make your childhood dreams come true.
4. If you just are a basic bitch who jerks off to numbers and statistics, you can do without Google Analytics. Admit it: you don't even need all these numbers. You may not even know how to use them. So why bother? Jerk off to a calculator. Or a calendar. Explore yourself.

Want to see what happens if we stop using centralized analytical services? If so, please support me and just tell us about your experience with SwapSwop. It doesn't matter if it's a good or a bad one, because it is the feedback that is so damn profitable for us in any case. If you don't care about us, it’s also understandable (but sad though). We’ll do without your opinion. Fuck it, time will tell :)