Be careful with whom you form a partnership

I know the title of my post is somewhat morbid and may be even extremist but this has been my experience when I was divorced in 2013. Now, you may be seeing a link between this post and my previous post on My Bitcoin Life. In 2013 my life as I knew was practically expiring, I was losing weight rapidly, not sleeping, unhappy and unable to smile, my eyes had darkened, hardly spoke to anyone and was not performing well at work and this all started because my wife and I had differences that were irreconcilable well at least that is what she said at the time.

Let me be honest and I am not blaming her totally because it takes two to make a relationship work. As my mother use to say God rest her soul, " one hand can't clap" Prior to the divorce I courted my wife for three years, she was four - five years older. I think I was 28 at the time. During those three years I noticed things that should have caused me to stop and say no this is not working for me and exit stage left. However, due to my limited experience and biased christian theology and lack of real counsel, ( don't let me get started on those pastors who only want to marry people and not counsel them) I felt that I could love my bride to be and change her undesirables to what I wanted or at least thought she should be. That was distinct example of poor thinking, lack of understanding, experience and selfishness. Most of us human beings think that we know what we want in our lives only realising when we get to the destination or at least part of the way that the wrong path was chosen.

There are many thoughts and voices in the world and we need to know our own thoughts as well as voices that give good or bad counsel. Sometimes, our own thoughts with all the good intent mislead us leading to regret and pain. My failed marriage was not all bad, it had good parts until the real personalities were revealed. The first year of marriage after the first three months my wife wanted to walk away from our marriage because I bought a dog to be a companion to a stray she had adopted. I told her not to feed the stray because we could barely afford to feed ourselves but she did not listen and I ended up having to put up a fence that we could not afford at the time. Anyway, as time went on I told her, I was thinking about having another dog to be "Browne's" companion. I was met with a vehement NO!

I said ok, are we not going to talk about this? Why no? It was at this point that I thought she was thinking that I was her child and not her husband. So when she would not relent, I said ok and then I went to the guy selling the dogs and brought home a Ridgeback X Rottie. Her name was "Recie" she was such a sweet dog. She died at 11 years old. When I brought home Recie that evening, she urinated on my pants as I lifted her out the car. She was nervous and I tried my best to calm her and comfort her. I took a deep breath and I brought her into the kitchen where I would keep in the house until she was big enough to be outside with Browne. I did introduce her to Browne by the way. 

Browne the stray...

My wife came out and saw the dog and she went on a tirade and started to yell and say how I could I lie to her and I calmly responded. Yes, I lied and you are unreasonable, unyielding and unkind to me about this. At this response, I had further thrown gasoline on the fire; within an hour she had packed all of her things in bags and suitcases to leave. We didn't have much furniture as yet. However, we did have a TV and I can remember very vividly, the crime show Medium was on and I was sitting trying to calm my nerves and distract my vexation at the folly that was transpiring in front of me in our first year of marriage. As I sat and watched the show which I wasn't really watching, these words sprang forth from my mouth, " if you wish to leave then leave but don't tell anyone I sent you." End quote. At that I felt a steely resolve come over me and I went about my business of tending to Recie and Browne leaving my wife in the verandah to brood. A day or so after she told me that the lie I told triggered trauma from a previous relationship and we had a discussion and I felt that things had been resolved, but little did I know that it was far from over. To be continued.