Have you ever received criticism and felt your stomach tighten? Even when you know it isn’t an attack, it still stirs something inside you. Perhaps afterwards, for days, that sentence echoes in your mind, with your inner voice repeating and amplifying it.

In the previous article we talked about the guilt that appears when you set boundaries. Today we go further: what do we do with criticism – that moment when others question what we do, say, or even who we are?

Why does criticism hurt so much?

Psychology explains: our brain perceives criticism as a threat to belonging. Our ancestors depended on the tribe for survival, and rejection could be lethal. Even though we no longer live in those conditions, the emotional mechanism has remained.

That’s why when someone criticises us, it’s not just the mind that reacts, but the body too. Tension rises, the throat tightens, we withdraw. We are not reacting to words, but to the unconscious signal: “you’re not good enough to be accepted.”

Two types of criticism

1. Constructive criticism – it comes with the intention to help, even if it doesn’t always sound pleasant. Its purpose is improvement.

2. Destructive criticism – it doesn’t aim to build, only to tear down. It often arises from the frustrations of the person who gives it.

The difference is not only in words, but also in the energy behind them.

A real-life example

Someone once shared: “My manager told me: ‘Your report is incomplete, you’ve missed the essential part.’ At first, I felt small. But then, reviewing it, I realised he was right. I redid the work, and it turned out much better. If I had stayed only defensive, I wouldn’t have learned anything.”

This is the essence of constructive criticism: it triggers discomfort but opens a door.

How to handle criticism without losing yourself

• Breathe and delay your reaction. The first impulse is to defend yourself. Give yourself time to process.

• Ask yourself: “What part of this is true and can help me?”

• Separate tone from content. Even if the way it was said was unpleasant, the message may contain something useful.

• Don’t personalise it. Criticism often says more about the giver than about you.

The psychological part – reframing

A useful concept in psychology is reframing. It means shifting perspective: instead of seeing criticism as a condemnation, you can see it as information. Not “I made a mistake, therefore I’m not good,” but “I made a mistake, therefore I can learn.”

This change of frame reduces emotional intensity and gives you back your power to act.

A challenge for you

Think of a criticism you’ve recently received. Ask yourself two questions:

1. What part of it could be useful to me, even if it’s uncomfortable to hear?

2. What part has nothing to do with me and doesn’t deserve to be carried further?

You may discover that not all criticism is a burden. Some of it is, in fact, fuel for growth.