It is not in a mood of despair that I am disconnecting. I, semi-soberly choose to unplug. I feel it necessary to admit that my battles against drug use have subsided and a mere alcoholism upstages me. Not to take lightly the power of alcoholism. The battle I face is not one that you are unaware of. The battle I face you have potentially turned your back upon. This act worked in your favor immensely. If i could give in to societys demands, I would've been in better shape. In fact, my words against these demands have probably not effected my peers in a positive manner. Yet it is no longer my aim to please others.
If you are unaware of how the ignorance of society has effected your life, stop reading. Don't go any further. Don't ask yourself questions. You are doing better as sheep. Do sheep not have shepherds? Being herded was more fulfilling than straying. It worked. I worked. I took care of bills. I've worked dozens of meaningless jobs. I went years without asking, "What would people do without me there to __________?" It was when I asked that question that my life turned upside down. Years of drug abuse ensued. What I was essentially doing was numbing my soul from the questions that tortured it the most.
What is your drug abuse? Sex? Retail therapy? Over eating? Working out? Albeit some are more healthy than others, they serve the same purpose. Keep me occupied and change the dopamine levels in my brain. Stimulate me. And although, all of these stimulations I have called my own, they were all a borage between me and my soul. No longer.
Materialism has eluded me for years. Yet, I have not always been able to elude materialism. This is a hurdle I must manuever personally. I do NOT cast judgement on anybody for attachment to their "things." My soul and these things need a newfound segregation in order for my soul's appeasement. I do not consider my battles to be the same as my neighbors'. Having peace of mind does not make you a "sheep". Rather, being a "sheep" has not given me peace of mind. Making sense of our lives gives each of us peace of mind. I am the one that has failed to do this. I know. No blame is cast. This responsibility is my own. I go about meeting these responsibilities in a way I see fit, and I hope to at least have personal documentation.
This is not a letter admitting some kind of surrender. Quite the opposite. I am announcing complete war against my hinderances in hopes that I will regain a more completely pure version of myself. I hit the road, afoot, today. May God grant me peace, being any means He shall see fit. God Bless you as well.
