It was almost four years ago, back in October 2022, I was increasingly become crippled up with a bad hip. In fact the doctor told me that the joint itself looked more like a Death Star (complete with the indent - that's the point) than a sphere and when discussing options he asked me if it causes me discomfort at night. The answer was a resounding yes and so the surgery went ahead.

It was a Monday and I went in at about 11am and woke up at some unknown point in a darkened room and cried out in pain and some relief was administered and then I drifted off again. I had been awake long enough to realise it wasn't the ward and so I assume it was the recovery room.

But that was not the worst of it.

Later on I was wheeled back to the ward and there I lay. While there was a frame around the bed I couldn't even reach it to pull myself up properly. When I did finally managed after 3 days it made a massive difference. The pillows had been propped up and when evening came I asked a nurse to make it a bit flatter. Mobility was a massive issue and I had to sleep on my back, something I probably hadn't done since I was a baby.

She put me completely flat on my back and then the nightmare began.

I was too flat and whenever I tried to move all I could do was lift my head and wiggle my back a little bit. The call button was nearby, but agonisingly out of reach and as much as I tried I just couldn't reach it. I was stuck. I closed my eyes and hoped to fall asleep, but was totally unable to. I didn't want to shout out because I wasn't alone on the ward (actually a small room with four other patients) and so there was nothing I could do, but endure.

As I lay there hardly able to move I remembered the Metallica song "One" and the video that accompanied it. It tells the story of a man who stood on a landmine and lost his limbs and was blinded and left him unable to speak. These are the exact lyrics...

And while it might seem that I am exaggerating, it was exactly how I felt. My body was useless and in pain and I couldn't do anything about it and while I wasn't blinded, the room was dark and on my back as I was my view was limited and I have already told you why I couldn't cry out.

It was a night of pure agony, and one I will never forget. I guess that eventually at some ungodly hour I did finally fall asleep, only to be awoken a very short time later at 6am, first by the cleaners and then by the nurses doing our "obs". The next night I ensured I was in a better position.

And so with that difficult memory and as always I wish you stay safe and well my friends.