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The following is the transcript of a text exchange I had with a friend tonight. Out of the blue and way after the fact, I got an email about a job opening from a tire shop in Arkansas today, less than 24 hours after posting the fundraiser about the potential trip back there. I thought it was an interesting "coincidence," and felt compelled to share it with a few friends. My one friend's response about finding "something I don't hate" initiated a one-sided discussion about art as work. If you are an artist, perhaps it will encourage you to not lose heart in the face of the endemic misunderstanding of what you do, even by your friends. Because, the guy on the other end of this exchange is a true friend of mine. The friendship has been tested (unwittingly of course), and proven to be true. Being the proxy uncle for his little girl is one of the best things that has ever happened to me. He's not just some random guy. But even then, he doesn't entirely understand what it is I really do.

The question is not, "does anybody get it," but rather, "am I compelled to do it regardless of anything and everything?" If you are not compelled to write/paint/whatever in the face of the terminal misunderstanding of the world, rejoice. The world is yours. But if you are compelled...

Rejoice. You no longer need the world.

Thanks again in advance for your patronage. "Video Mixtapes" scattered throughout, for tire track ambience and road flavor.

NP

6:21pm

Interestingly, I got an email today from a tire shop in Arkansas informing me about an open job. So I applied, as I always do. Maybe I am headed back that way. One thing about Phoenix that was a relief was having something to do. Sitting in the woods/desert/moon is for the birds 😵‍💫

6:25pm

(my friend's response)

Very much praying you find something you don't hate doing.

6:32pm

It's all to do with Louie. I liked the Phoenix job, but I was gone too long for him. The job itself is of no importance to me. Tire shop would be better than most, but Phoenix did set the standard for workplace environment and cool coworkers. Tire shop is full time, which TBH probably won't work, but if I'm in town, I'll give it a shot. I'm never going to find my groove in any of it though. It's all to do with Louie. If God doesn't see fit to bless my work with more exposure before Louie goes home, assuming I outlive him (which I don't), I will definitely disappear with absolute intent. So please don't pray about a tire job. I will never care about it, but will go through the motions IF it keeps Louie fed and watered, in a place we are not miserable.

Thank you 👍

6:42pm

One of the reasons I don't care is because my work was actually a lot of work (and God willing will be again). The indifference with which it has been met is impossible not to return. Writing 21 albums alone was a full time job for 20 years. Nevermind recording them. If the culture insists on giving me advice on how to become a better "content creator" (which is common) after all the WORK I've done, the word will always be a joke to me, when people use it like it's something important, after treating mine like a used Kleenex for so long. One thing they never understand:

If you don't HAVE to do it, by all means don't. I had to write it. Had to record it. Anyone who doesn't have to, I don't recommend it. But the audience will come eventually. Maybe tonight, or 20 years from now. But they will come. PLEASE DO pray about that.

Gracias amigo.

6:59pm

Anyway, in a nutshell... I found something I don't hate in 7th grade band class. And I did get an English degree 30 years ago, which covers the word angle. So allow me to BEG you not to waste your prayers on tire shops, but rather my actual work. If God's will involves me working the same job in Arkansas I had in Phoenix, for a week or a couple years, God's will be done (it won't be a couple years). I have never shied away from it. But in fact, it was God's will for us to leave Phoenix for precisely the same reason He spurred me to accidentally book that hotel for the same day I was packing the van in December at your place: TIME TO GO, NOW. Which means this season has been about things that gringo culture has no respect for, and the only reason it's difficult is because keeping Louie in the van is difficult. But it's all we can do right now, and is better for him. SITTING IN THE CRAMPED, COMPROMISED HELL is the REAL sacrifice... The Phoenix job, between me and it, was great. Walking by faith from one physically-uncomfortable unknown to another is much harder, for me. But he is worth it 🐱