The Lava Lamp Apocalypse

By Nathan Payne | pablosmoglives | 28 May 2023

In the summer of 2023, Russia launches its Lava Lamp arsenal against NATO countries, including the United States. The streets of Western cities become molten cesspools of psychedelic torment.

Before NATO can retaliate, the Rapture occurs. Millions of people disappear in an instant.

The world descends into lawless, psychedelic chaos. The nihilistic aftermath is captured beforehand, and released into the quaint and peaceful past on the video below. As a warning to repent, perhaps, or at least to buy more improvised explosives. The surviving footage of the Lava Lamp Apocalypse has been synched up to the 3rd verse of "Off To The Races," which song you can listen to in its entirety, if you scroll down even lower. Assuming you live long enough to do so.

Thanks for listening.

Off To The Races

Sitting at a rest stop
in the California desert
the air out here is powdered,
the semi trucks all swing
like featherweights,
and the landscape is restless,
only empty wooden boxes
and a few scattered drunken
rainclouds,
passed out in the sand,
and the city lights are glittering
and the satellites
are littering
the skies with precious jewels,
toxic dyes,
and fossil fuels,
and if you wanna set me free,
take off your pants
and dance with me,
cuz I am just a girl
a deadly voice
in a dying world;
I wanna watch you get undressed
your burning bush,
your naked breast
we're out of gas,
so be my guest
we're childern of the wilderness

I dunno
where did all the people go?
it's kinda weird
a billion people disappeared
daddy wha'd you say?
mommy up and flew away
I guess we're fuct
might as well get down
and self-destruct

Sitting on a barstool
in Tucson, Arizona
the bartender smiles at me
her eyes are like two hand grenades
and clearly she's decided
that I'm dumb enough to trust her
as a wisp of fragrant mustard gas
rises from her cigarette,
and her voice is full of shrapnel
like she's gargling with bottlecaps
or the spent and empty canisters
of recreational inhalants,
as she asks me,
"who needs love,
when you've got unconditional surveillance?"

I dunno
where did all the people go?
it's kinda weird
a billion people disappeared
daddy wha'd you say?
mommy up and flew away
I guess we're fuct
might as well get down
and self-destruct

Sitting in a makeshift graveyard
in the yellow grasses
of New Mexico
all the crosses are made of candy canes
and strung with silver
streamers
and the dreamers have been exiled
into the outer darkness
where the tumbleweeds blow wild
through rusted airplane carcasses
and the siren softly calls
the towns all look like flattened hairballs
and all the people full of doubts
walking around like cardboard cutouts
faded ink
and frayed around the edges
skeletons of chicken wire
their hearts are made of matchsticks
you can see it in their faces
so light 'em up
and start the fire
we're off to the races

I dunno
where did all the people go?
it's kinda weird
a billion people disappeared
daddy wha'd you say?
mommy up and flew away
I guess we're fuct
might as well get down
and self-destruct

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