Lezbollah Strikes!

By Nathan Payne | pablosmoglives | 16 Aug 2023

Militant lesbians from Lesbianon have threatened Israel from the north.  They have threatened to "destroy Israel," because, unlike their own gender ideology, Israel's sexuality "is real."  Overpaid idlers at the Pablo Smog Foundation, a think tank specializing in artificial history, have speculated that Lezbollah may strike It's-Real through its flamboyant proxies in Gaza, the Homos.  Pronounced like "Hamas," except with O's, the Homos (Ho-MOS, with a slithery, lispy "S") are a bunch of angry BLT sandwich advocates from Williamsburg who hate the way straight people pronounce the name of their group.  They have pledged to destroy all sexuality that is friendly with Israel, and to kill anybody who harbors pro-Israeli, heterosexual thoughts.

Behold, Lezbollah operatives at work in the U.S.

Though the population of non-sexually-indigenous persons has increased exponentially in recent years, the following map indicates Lezbollah strongholds in 1949.  The "thinkers" at the Pablo Smog Foundation have been unable to manufacture more recent artificial data, so we'll have to settle for this.  Still though, Lezbollah represents a major threat to everything that "Is Real" about gender ideology in the Middle East.

Side note: Nobody knows if those are Lezbollah strongholds in Homos country, or warts.  The official government narrative is, "don't ask, don't tell."  We got a strong TMI vibe from the Homos delegates, when we reached out to them with latex gloves.  A strong TMI vibe.  Huge.


Also interesting is the presence of "TransJordan," which means Jordan was transitioning from "Its Real" sexuality into full-blown cross-Jordanian sexual fantasy as early as 1949.  Most artificial historians believe "Cross-Jordanism" was named after the acolytes of TransJordanism who crossed the Jordan River, but further imaginary study shows that Cross-Jordanism originated from a tiny sect of Lezbollah militants who liked to dress like Orthodox Jews.

Whatever the case, even with only one Lezbollah stronghold in the region, Trans-Judyist Cross-Orthodox Jordanism completed its transition to full-blown lesbian Jordanism sometime between then and now.  Nobody knows when. 

Nobody cares.

In spite of this universal, worldwide indifference, "TransJordanians" like to dress like Orthodox Jews in the privacy of their own social media feeds, even as they pledge allegiance to Lezbollah in public.  Lezbollah is Arabic for "Lesbians of Allah," or "Lesbians of God."  There is much tension between the self-proclaimed Lesbians of God and the Trans-Jordanians who dress like Orthodox Jews at Islamic-Lesbian sporting events.  Tensions flared at the recent match between TransJordanian Orthodox Lezbollah activist Megan Rapinoe and her greatest enemy, the real world.  Here she is, missing the point for the last time, in every sense of the word:

Notice the Orthodox "blue hair," which is the Yarmulke equivalent for TransJordanian Lezbollah militants.  She has some colorful curly clip-on sideburns she sometimes wears at religious sporting events, to go with the Orthodox Yarmulke-like hair dye, but it's against regulations to wear them during an actual game.  Something like this, except more colorful, and militant.


Anyway, after seceding from the nation of "It's Real," the TransJordanians put the name of their new country to a vote.  The choices were, "It's not-real," or "Jordan."

They chose Jordan.

Most artificial historians agree that the name "It's Real" was derived from the ancient Hebrew word for "looking down one's own pants," and describing what you see.  If you look in your pants and say, "It's Real," you're Jewish.  If you look down your pants and say, "it's un-real," you're a member of Lezbollah.  If what you see transcends reality, don't worry, you still get to have a flag.  Everybody needs a flag.


Anyway, we the imaginary thinkers at the Pablo Smog Foundation will continue our thorough research on this non-existent topic, but strongly recommend that citizens of It's Real prepare for escalating conflict with Lezbollah militants and their Homos proxy-friends in Gaza.  While building soccer fallout shelters and providing material support to soldiers of the IDF, we have also recently retained the services of the famous conspiracy pundit known as "Dyke," which is a contraction of D'yke, which stands for David Icke.  He's a hardcore Lezbollah militant, but has contracted out a certain percentage of his knowledge skills to us, in exchange for some cookies.  He only agreed to help us because he was impressed with our last imaginary study, The Proxy Hipster War of Williamsburg, which describes in pains-avoiding lack of detail the similarities between the New York City metropolitan area, and the area of the Middle East immediately adjacent to the nation of It's Real.

(Manhattan is Israel, the Bronx is Lesbianon, Staten Island is Egypt, etc.)


The study also concludes that the key to the Bible Code exists in the map of the NYC subway system, and that one can not be solved without the other.  To unlock the secrets of the Hebrew-aic Bible, it is necessary to have a working understanding of the NY subways; in like manner, to get from Rockaway Beach to Harlem, one must understand completely the Talmudic view of scripture.

It's a fascinating anti-study.  Peruse it at your leisure.

And now, the news:

Side note:  Joe Strummer was actually a radical leftist sympathizer with the Homos militants in the Tin Palace region of the Ottoman Empire, which former coastal resort area was re-named the Palace-Tin harbor, since Arabic is written backwards.  In time, the Palace-Tinians were known simply as the Palestinians, all of whom were huge Clash fans in the 1970s.  After the 6-day war/music festival between Lezbollah and the Homos militants of the region at the time that left 200 Israeli celebrants dead, and many more hungover, a false peace was re-established, and Homos began accepting arms shipments from Northern Ireland, which was at war with non-partisan English artists like Joe Strummer.  Now, the "Tin Palace" region of Palestinian Homos is all walled off behind the Iron IUD where it belongs.

History is a trip!

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Nathan Payne
Nathan Payne

I am a songwriter and bandleader who travels the world in search of the golden ticket.


Replacing my blog at

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