Back in the day, coffee shops served coffee, pharmacies could be trusted to provide clean, medical-grade pharmaceuticals, and Madonna was a pop star.
Things have changed.
According to Mexico Daily Post, "pharmacies in several northwestern Mexico cities were selling counterfeit pills over the counter, passing off powerful methamphetamine as Adderall and deadly fentanyl as Percocet and other opioid painkillers.
It’s not just stray single pills that are laced with dangerous substances, but sometimes entire bottles that appear to be factory sealed.
In most of those locations, the pills that tested positive came from independent pharmacies, where workers sold them over the counter, one tablet at a time. But in Puerto Vallarta, counterfeits were available even at one regional pharmacy chain — the sort of place where people might expect more quality control. Both there and in Nuevo Progreso, pills purchased in sealed bottles tested positive for more powerful drugs, a possible sign of the sophistication of fakes made by cartels, which experts say are likely the source."
The story comes from the LA Times, which explains why the editor didn't replace the word "experts" with "everyone," or the word "likely" with "obviously." Mainstream American news cartels have been passing off fake information for decades now, morbidly-comical lies and propaganda ridiculously labeled "news," like a bottle of fake Mexican Percocet that everyone is supposed to pretend is not a deadly substitute for the truth. People OD on this bad information all the time; streets and offices and cubicles and board rooms all around America are littered with Synthetic Information Zombies that regurgitate this ersatz, reconstituted information all over themselves and each other like creatures trapped on a perpetual misinformation-puke hamster wheel, a horrific machine comprised of lab-grown puke and meat and rusty teeth that never stops spinning, and which maims and dismembers its riders in ways that make the fate of victims of Mexican drug cartels look merciful by comparison.
In any case, this story about fake drugs at Mexican pharmacies, mixed with Madonna's recent NARCAN-induced resurrection from the dead in New York, makes me wonder how long it's going to be before NARCAN is available at Starbucks. Perhaps a Starbucks owned by the Sinaloa cartel. I can see the line of southbound gringo refugees now, "double NARCAN espresso please, to go." And the line of people withdrawing from freedom and individual liberty will extend to the horizon. The Sinaloan Starbucks Farmacia can be a one-stop shop for those for whom life has simultaneously become too much to bear, while providing a safe, synthetic alternative for death in the form of a life-saving espresso additive.
Should I go with the mocha this time, or the NARCAN? It does seem to be a rather effective stimulant. How do we know Bradley Cooper didn't take a shot of NARCAN in the morning, while speed-writing the code to his power and success?
Or, if you're really stupid/brave, what about a Fentanyl cappuccino, sprinkled with some cinnamon and NARCAN, to cancel out the weird, contradictory effects?
Even if, unlike Madonna, you're not preparing for an upcoming tour by getting strung out on painkillers so you can "survive" rehearsal, but are merely unbearably depressed because your entire culture, national identity, personal freedom, and standard of living have all been irreparably destroyed by mainstream American political cartels,
Should you have to wait until the mass migration of people from Latin America brings the convenience of illicit coffee pharmacies to your neighborhood, to get your Sinaloan NARCAN espresso?
Or should you be able to go to the vending machine in the lobby of any mainstream news outlet in America and get some Madonna-grade fake Mexican painkillers witih a NARCAN chaser, now?
Of course, it's already begun. Behold, the safe coffee-drinking sites in Seattle, where you can sit with your cappuccino at the gates of death in perfect safety, NARCAN baristas at the ready:
Bienvenido al futuro, America.