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Champagne Haitians

By Nathan Payne | pablosmoglives | 19 Sep 2022

I would like to take a moment to congratulate the Champagne Haitians on Martha's Vineyard for starting a long-overdue campaign to Make Martha's Vineyard Haiti Again.  I think the golf courses and Covid-proof presidential party tents and yacht houses should be converted into slave quarters for the Champagne Socialists currently living there, so the Champagne Haitians can receive their just desserts.


Now, proceeds from the sale of gold-plated desserts previously reserved only for the imperial elite will finally be available for people who trudge through rivers of sewage on their way to garbageman school, and bowls of stale, storebrand Rice Krispies can be served in disposable paper bowls to the yuppies who self-righteously pretend to stand with them.


The best way to judge the GDP of any given nation is to see how many precious metals are in their sewage system.  If there is gold-plated chocolate in the sewer, you are probably not in Haiti.

Or are you?


Could be oil in them-thar streets.  Black Gold.  Texas Tea.  Raw Haitian shit.  Hard to tell.  Hypocrisy is a hell of a drug.  I think we should send all the migrants around the world, from Honduras, Ukraine, Venezuela, and Chicago to Martha's Vineyard, until true equalinamenuity for all has finally been irreversibly and irrevocably achieved.

Maybe then people will learn to shut up and say thank you for what they have, instead of projecting their subverted religious guilt on the rest of us in the form of oppressive political regimes, weird, ritualistic Satanic anti-art, and unsustainable, divisive diversity quotas everybody hates.

Holding my breath in a metaphorical sense, until the synthetic, bug-based cows come home.









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Nathan Payne
Nathan Payne

I am a songwriter and bandleader who travels the world in search of the golden ticket.


Replacing my blog at

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