I wrote this about two months ago , so this doesn't represent how I feel now , but a lot of things still stand.

Burnout

I'm tired of this man, I'm tired of using the internet as soon as I wake up until i go to sleep 😴 ,24/7. I get up happy and the like and  at some point I'm burned out , feel sick of this shit. It's not like i don't fine  interesting things to read and watch that will impact me positively in the future .most days i listen to podcast and watch documentary , you know really enlightenment content. 

How can that be bad for you. Well I guess it doesn't matter whether you think you spend quality time on content or not because it's just not good.

I don't know if it's because of what is happening recently in the world with all this wars in Ukraine, i just saw conflict in Israel etc. The shit with COVID in china, or maybe i have COVID but , my gosh ! does shit look bleak. Everything is just bad somehow. Everyone in the world, no one cares about COVID anymore, we all have to fend for ourselves. There is no longer any unified plan to stop COVID.

The world is not going crazy or things are not as bad as they seen on the news but your brain has a very good way of fool of fooling you.

Just thinking of being stuck to or glued to the internet and web for the rest of fucking life is making me sick 🤢.  This has to collapse and some point. I just want to get a bunch of money and leave for a bit, i need a refresher. 

The most interesting video i watch recently was from a YouTuber , I'd link in the description and he talk about how history would remember gen z. I'm not sure if i count as gen z but i think as long as your whole life is spend on the internet , you are practically gen z . Anyways besides the point.

He said that gen z is marred by nihilism, hopelessness is on the rise. I mean first  know religion is on the decline, I'm religious but i don't think i am that dedicated. But that's not the defining factor i think.  Like do people really look forward to anything positive in the future.what positive future do people see for themselves. If there is no hope for anything good, what's the point. Do most of you ,if you read this believe in anything or looking forward to anything in life." I mean i want to be free from not working , but that's it really. That's why I try to save and invest. Most people don't want to work, why don't we want to work, to do what exactly, with all the extra time  ? 🤔

Lots of self-deletion . If you look at a lot of our music it's not really hopeful , mostly sad bleak shit. 

He said that we are all very anxious even people with very high  degrees because  jobs are hard to come by and most people are replaceable in the job market , so now we are all on edge. Coupled with high cost of rent and inability to see yourself having a family. I mean that all sounds bad 😞

Some other stuff that he said was that most people are so lonely , we rely on dating apps to meet people, most people have no friends and don't know how to meet people, kids nowadays are over policed.Lots of helicopter parenting etc .

I mean i have friends ,"kinda " people i know i could just hangout with. I can meet people but com'n , if we sit down and analyze can we say this is a really deep relationship.  

And we spend too much time on screens.my sister has a phone way younger than I ever had my first one and now my mom says she is having problem Focusing , of course. I think i need to rest my phone for a couple days and just not. Touch it. Learn to live without it. This will be an experiment.

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I think this is something i have to work on to develop. I don't want to end up older and unable to form close  meaningful friends . I foresee this being a major problem in the world , it going to look bleak. 

Thanks for reading i know i sound a bit pessimistic. Tell me what you think.