warning: this may cause nihilism.i did for me.

How do you tell someone you are right where you weren't to be , how do you tell someone who is struggling , the grass is always greener on the other side. How do you tell someone who is desperate you are right where you are supposed to be.

If you use bumble  a lot , you might have come across this question" what is your perfect day?" Or similar question. I see this question a lot and I look at the response of people and laugh. Most people answer boil down " be on beach not working etc." And I grew up near some of best beaches on the earth and to me it's nothing, that's why I think that's fake.  

To me it feels like people just giving stock standard answers , and i ask myself what would my " perfect day" be and outwardly day traveling , but internally it would be traveling and some form of debauchery sex with a new girl." But I can't say that. But me now know that's still not a perfect day, that's what younger me would say. And I look back in retrospect and think 🤔 i never had a perfect day in my life.

What way you do with billions of dollars.

I ask people this question sometimes and get same response over and over some form of "beach , vacation, travel world shit. Or by a car or big house." Then they ask me and happily follow suite and say exactly the same shit. Even though I would do a lot of traveling yeah. The first thing I would do with billions of dollars is invest almost all , in property and stocks and other things. So i could "FIRE " as they say.i hate working for other people.but then what with all that money, why do I insist on needing more money.💰. I had a nihilism though in my teens and realized most things are meaniless . I don't give a shit about fancy cars or having a big house or yatch. But best be damn shore that i make alot of money from crypto or investing and all gladly do it . Mostly to get girls. But if you read my other post , i don't really care about the sex it's mostly for ego and self validation. I feel like everyone is doing things for people validation and adoration or mostly to validate ourselves , we are all narcissist to some degree.

There is no perfect , but I still believe the grass is greener on the other side.

I think about this all the thing and the regret that i have boils down to i wish I did this earlier. "The best time to plant a tree was  20 years ago the second best time is now".

I wish I had started investing earlier.

I wish I had left my country way earlier.

I wish I had learn to be good with girls and get laid earlier.

I wish I knew what YouTube was earlier.

I wish had focus on one high value skill so i could make tonnes os money now.

But..

Who know where is would be now. Maybe i might have ended up dead because I went to to wrong place or been cancelled on YouTube. Or caught STI from some chick.huh but I still live with the regret of what could have been.why is being a human being so f*cking difficult. There it is,  i don't have any perfect day or where i would like to be at the end . 

Hope no one reads this because I don't like sharing my feelings.