Sirwin
Sirwin
FamTree

15 to 40 = 15?***Part 1


 

 

I was about 4 ft 10 in in 7th or 8th grade. I got picked on a lot I got hit a lot beat up pushed around in the bathrooms. I never would hit anybody back or stand up for myself. And it just kept getting worse and worse I would purposely miss the school bus knowing that I would have to wait till 7 p.m. or so after school for my granddad to come pick me up. It got to the point I would rather do that than to ride that school bus.

Eventually that had to end because I was getting in trouble at home for missing the school bus and that force me to ride the bus and put me in a situation with my middle school bully that changed me quite a bit. Basically he kept punching me in the leg while trying to take a book fair sale sheet from me, I wanted something out of it and refused to let him take what I had so I held onto it as he kept punching  me until finally I hit him. Knocking him in the aisle of the bus and before the fight could really break out we were stopped by a bunch of other kids.

That was the day I learned that the bullies play it safe and pick on the weaker kids that wont hit back. I let it get to my head though, before you knew it I was getting in fights with anybody and everybody just for fun, lots of them just showing off for girls. That led me down the road where I would do just about anything to impress people was just always wanting to impress people, especially girls.

Always trying to impress girls and people in that age group during that time period, the late 90s, caused me to do things more and more risky all the time. For example one time I was hanging out with some friends at a store that was closed. As I leaned against the door to the place I'm kind of bouncing my shoulder off of it. Somebody made a remark that I couldn't break that even if I wanted to and I said oh yeah watch this.

Keep in mind I truly didn't think I had the strength to do it I thought I would bounce off of it and that would be that. I hit it with my shoulder one time and it busted the lock the door swung open. I'm grown now and I know that was a damn fool thing to do, but at the time the only thing I could think to do was not look like somebody that didn't know what they was doing. I ran into the store and stole a bunch of stuff. That situation was honestly not supposed to happen that way. Had I not been trying to impress anyone it would have never happened. Also maybe if I would just learn to keep my mouth shut at times and it would have never happened.

I'd like to say I learnt my lesson that time straightened up and lived a decent honest life ever since, that would not be accurate. Actually started hanging out with some different people and breaking in two more stores, flattening car tires, running away from home, experimenting with drugs, and shoplifting.
Even though I was doing a lot of bad things I still had a good heart. For example one time me and some friends was going to go break into a house. This was the first time I was ever going to break into a house and as we left to head to the house my buddy told me to grab a bat as he was grabbing himself a bat. I said dude why would I need a bat nobody's going to be there, right? He replied, just in case maybe they came back early. I thought about that for about 10 seconds and told him, there is no way I could beat anybody with a bat that was only trying to protect their own home and things. I did not go that night and I've never broken into a person's home ever. Back then the way I looked at it companies could afford it they had insurance regular people work hard for what they got and can't afford to lose it. I know that sounds dumb but that was my thought process at 15.

Shoplifting turned out to be a addiction for me. My uncle started me, and because he would be so impressed with me when I did it I really enjoyed doing it just to feel like I was somebody to him. Eventually like so many other things in my life it took a while to realize but my uncle is someone I should have just stayed away from. When I was 14 my uncle talked me into having sex with my girlfriend who was my age. The idea was to do it outside at night with the light on us, no lights on in the house.  At the time I thought that was going to be so cool to do. Now that I've grown I realized that that was extremely F@#&ed up. Because I know he was sitting in there watching.

Sometimes when kids are trying to impress adults, the adults they're trying to impress are not always people that they should be impressing.

My grandmother ever since I was very young had a metal yard stick. I'm sure you can figure out where this is going. To me yeah it sucked but it was normal. It didn't take much to piss her off & she loved to whip. Eventually I reached my breaking  point when she woke me up with a belt across my chest for ignoring her ( I wasn't ignoring her I was actually asleep) I jerked it out of her hand and let her know that she wouldn't be hitting me anymore.

I regret many of the things that I've done and said but truth be told to this day because of the relationship I have with any of my family back home I don't respect her or most of them enough to ever apologize. That might still be the immature selfish side of me but that's the way that will continue to be.

One night we went to get me some shoes, Little did I know it was about to be kind of like a dog being taken on a picnic in the old cartoons. You know like they throw a stick for the dog to fetch and the dog comes back they've already hopped in her car and drove off. It wasn't exactly like that but kind of. I made a video explaining that particular night if you want to check out the night I got kicked out.
Spoiler alert, long story short I get kicked out for good.

I was homeless, jobless, and still under age. so to get by I just hung out with different people and hooked up with different girls staying the night under beds, Bridges, and just wherever I could. I did finally meet some people that let me move in with them. I stayed with them for maybe three months. It's hard to really remember time frames that far back but anyway. I ended up getting in trouble had a court date. That court date was falling on my 17th birthday. This would be the Turning event that made my life completely unexpectedly different. Not to mention this is the time that I finally learned my lesson about running my mouth when I shouldn't. If you want to see the video about that day watch this. I do recommend this video I humored it it up a bit I think you'll enjoy it and it's the important video because it explains how I ended up three hours away from home. 

After leaving Randolph County I came with my girlfriend to McDowell County where I am stayed under the radar hiding from police for roughly two years. During that time I got my GED. I did finally go back to Randolph County and turned myself in and paid for a good lawyer who is able to get the charges dismissed. Very surprising I didn't expect you to be that easy. I got married and had three children with my wife, before I was 22 years old. I also had a daughter born buy a girlfriend from before I met my wife who I didn't get to have much of a relationship with. My own fault but we talk a little from time to time now.

By the time I was 23 my life took another turn. I became a widower. My wife was 25 years old and on the night January 1st 2005 as I was taking her to the hospital 4 what had become kind of a routine because she had asthma my wife died on the way to the hospital. I was trying to drive, speeding up, while at the same time trying to give her mouth-to-mouth which was getting nowhere because I wasn't able to pinch her nose. After getting her to the hospital they pumped on her chest for almost an hour trying to bring her back. So many things in my life I wish hadn't happened, this one was the most important. I was a 23 year old dad with three and no idea what to do next. Growing up I only been to one funeral, now I was planning a funeral. It was a very hard time for me but my family was coming up. They never did come up before other than one time.

At the time I hadn't put too much thought into the kids growing up without a mom because I grew up without a dad and thought that it was just different but they would be okay. I was never really comfortable around large groups of people. She had a very large family on her father's side that I didn't know so well so after she passed I didn't ever take the kids to see that side of the family. I now regret that because my kids really don't have much family at all.  Her mother who we stayed with off and on between getting a home for rent and getting evicted a few times was the only reason I decided not to move back home around my family. My kids were the only connection to her daughter for her so I thought it would be really important to keep her grandkids here around her.

It was very soon after the funeral that I wasn't right in the head. Suicide was really sounding like a good idea at times. Truth be told the only reason I didn't do it was the chances that I would do it wrong and would live with some kind of massive defect caused by the attempt. Even though I didn't kill myself I did run off with a buddy and kind of just left my kids with my mother-in-law for about a month. Again looking back to see that was selfish because my oldest son needed me the most. Yes I did need to get out of there but he was old enough to know what was going on and not only did his mom died but his dad disappeared. I regret having done things that way heavily.

What I tell you next will probably be controversial to many I love you, keep in mind until you're in the situation you really shouldn't judge because you do not know how you would react if you were in the exact same shoes as someone else. If you do have a problem oh well leave it in a comment. My wife was only dead for a month before I moved in with another woman. I felt guilty at first but a friend told me that no one knows what I need but me if I need to be with someone and that's what I need. It was true, had I not then who knows where I would have ended up or how many places I would have ended up or would I have ever ended up going back to my mother-in-law's to get my children. We may never know but we do now is that we started off as a comfort each other kind of relationship. Of course it was mostly set to be a physical relationship only until her husband got out of prison. Yes I did say husband and prison but she needed Comfort just like I did. She was 21 years old with two children and her husband get some dumb stuff and went to prison leaving her with a bunch of bills that she couldn't pay and losing everything she had cars, homes, etc. The plan was when his release date got close enough I would be disappearing. Then an unexpected turn, he got in trouble while he was in prison. That pretty much extended my stay where we fell in love and told him before he got out of prison that it was over. She and I married 2 years later after having a son of our own.

Now this wasn't an easy situation for my mother-in-law to adapt to either. At first she really lashed out saying things like she bets I wanted my wife to die so I could meet my second wife. I couldn't blame her, I can totally understand where she was coming from. That didn't change the fact that still hurt and was untrue. Soon after she did come to realize where I was coming from and she actually ended up having a very good relationship with my second wife. She really truly treated my second wife as if she was family. She also was a huge part of all these children's lives. They all wanted to go stay the night at maw-maws. Before we married we did save up money and struggle to buy a little property and put us a single wide trailer on it. So now it's me my second wife and our six children. I know right, sounds like a lot to handle.
I can honestly say I am proud of how well we raise our children. We actually had people stop us on the way out of restaurants from time to time. Because when we came into the restaurant people saw us as one of those families that's loud with obnoxious kids and ruins other people's evenings. But they would compliment how well-behaved are children were. I don't know how many times I heard people say how do you do it? Or say I don't see how you guys can keep up with all six of them. Well ladies and gentlemen I can tell you this when things are going good people compliment you that way but if anything goes bad you'll hear things like I don't see how you wouldn't know that was going on. Do you not check on your children? Do you not keep up with what your children are all doing and where they are all at? We did the best we could for being parents with six children. For being parents that started out as Kids with Kids, For both of us having a massive interruption in our lives that not everyone could manage through. Not to mention we both work full-time jobs. I started working my job shortly after I met her in 2005 and she actually had already been working since 2001 So after five years of the trailer we couldn't afford to keep up the payments because we lived a decent distance from town and had to have a large enough vehicle for the family that gas was just way too much to keep on living out there and drive into town and paying mortgage. We move closer to town into a house.

Okay so after the move things started getting smooth. My oldest son eventually got a small part time job working for a doctor. Not in the medical field he was just doing yard work for the doctor. Still it was nice to see him maturing. Everything seemed to be getting better. Every year until this point in the summer we would go to Myrtle Beach for anywhere from three days to a week. I finally decided that the kids are all getting older and I didn't want them to all grow up and miss out on one thing that I got to do when I was 5.
Disney World!!!!!

To Be Continued 

My life Makes Yet Another Upsetting

Change

 

 

How do you rate this article?

0


DeGener8Now
DeGener8Now

Im a father of 7. I have been on this roller-coaster we call life for 40 years. In my head, strange as it sounds im stuck a 15. I worked myself to death raising my family, with the help of my wife. Now my kids have grown and moved out.


My life one day at a time
My life one day at a time

This is a Blog I decided to start so I could get things off my chest. From an early age age my life has been anything but boring. I've not always been on the right side of the law, and even though I'm 40 now it still keeps getting worse every time it seems to be getting better.

Send a $0.01 microtip in crypto to the author, and earn yourself as you read!

20% to author / 80% to me.
We pay the tips from our rewards pool.