This early morning after taking once again a big dose of Caffeine I am a bit "Stimulated" but at least I am able to tame it down with Gabapentin which is I can say "Cure all" medicine from anxiety to pain and to the relaxing effect in my guts.

But I might be able to sleep later this past 12:00 AM if I am lucky. Usually I go to sleep post dialysis at around daybreak. But if I would be yawning before sun comes up then that will be the sign that I am ready to sleep.

Caffeine is my way of trying to endure dialysis because it seems that my persistent blood pressure crashes is hopeless to solve. But I will still continue in taking it because I think helps nevertheless.

I am not afraid of having an overdose because dialysis will just take care of most of the substance. It is unfortunate that I am doing this kind of extreme measures which I guess that I am the only one doing it to and documenting it as well. It is just I am wanting to feel better in-between dialysis sessions and yet because of frequent blood pressure crashes I am not able to get the best for me.

Anyway after a few hours my system will hopefully get to "normalize" again. My life will still continue and hoping for better days for me to come.

I am noticing some sagging skin at the back of my elbow which I guess that I am not getting any younger anymore even though at heart I feel like I am still 17 years old. But I have to continue my life and try to make it as better as I can. It is a hard kind of life, it is unfortunate but this is my life.