True Tales of Medical Horror: Millionaires, Monkey Balls And The Quest for Immortality

By MarvinScottMarvin | Moonbat Dives | 18 Sep 2022

Have you heard the one about the millionaires and monkey testicles? Buckle up, Moonbats, we're talking about some serious monkey business here!

This is a tale less obscure than our buddy the horse named Jim. This particular episode involves a barrel of unnamed monkeys, the origins of endocrinology and a treatment known as opotherapy. Various versions have been told and repeated here and there, however, rare is the mention of the promise of life extension which accompanied the publicized accolades for the procedures of press proclaimed experts whom historical hindsight is able to see were clearly mad scientists.

One hundred years ago, same as today, the Yellow Press, flush with the funds of quackery advertisements, were in the habit of holding up madmen as inspirational authority figures and their carefree butchery and poisonings as invaluable innovations in modern medical science.

One of the much ballyhooed bunk cures promoted by Yellow Press headlines 100 years ago was the transplantation of testicles, both human and animal, sometimes between the two.

However, currently, according to

The first report of a human testicle transplant was in 1978.

And, once more, we learn that what's old is new again, and allegedly authoritative sources are often mistaken if not outright wrong.

A little research uncovers a report of an allegedly successful testicle transplant 60 years previous, as physiologist Eugen Steinach (1861-1944) and urologist Robert Lichterstern "transplanted the undescended testis of a healthy and sexually ‘normal’ man into a 30-year-old homosexual" in an attempt to cure him of his homosexuality which they claimed to have successfully achieved.

Hmmm... Could that latter claim be why the former is ignored by our contemporary corporate media? Historical facts are often inconvenient for the current narrative. 

Additionally, when convicted murderer Clarence Kelly was executed by the state of California in 1927, it was reported that Dr. Leo Leonidas Stanley (1886-1976), chief surgeon at San Quentin, had removed Kelly's testicles and transplanted them into another man. This report was confirmed by L.S. Schmitt, then the acting dean of the UCSF medical school, who was quoted as saying that it had been done "in the interests of science." It has subsequently been reported that Dr. Stanley had been performing testicular transplants since 1918 and had performed the operation on 643 prisoners.

To complete the circle and make an old thing new again, it has been reported that testicle transplantation has saved some young men from iatrogenic sterility.

However, this is not the complete story. There is much more to the tale than just a couple of balls bouncing back to new life after surgery. This entry must be extended to tell of the quest for immortality.

Let's back up a bit to begin with the academic infancy of endocrinology and the French physiologist and neurologist, Charles-Édouard Brown-Séquard (1817-1894), who in 1889 "began experiments to treat virtually any and every kind of disease with a new method, known as ‘organotherapy’ or ‘opotherapy’, which used extracts made from animal glands or tissues."

Charles-Édouard Brown-Séquard was a mad scientist if ever there was one. He is highly regarded as a pioneer in the fields of endocrinology and nuerophysiology. He graduated from University of Paris with a degree in medicine in 1846, taught at Harvard University from 1864 to 1868, and in 1878 became the professor of experimental medicine at the Collège de France. Along the way he was responsible for some important medical milestones including the discovery of adrenaline. He was the first person in the medical literature to describe hormones.

However, the key turning point in his career with which we are concerned here happened in 1889 when Brown-Séquard somehow thought it might be a good idea to try subcutaneous injection of fluids prepared from the testicles of freshly killed guinea pigs and dogs. Yes, he injected himself with a concoction made from guinea pig and dog testicles. He claimed to have been "rejuvenated" by the procedure and thus kicked off the monkey gland madness which would reach its apex a few decades later.

Thanks to optimistic reports from the insane doctor Brown-Séquard getting his rocks off with animal testicle injections, many more doctors followed suit with some achieving fame and fortune in doing so. Apparently a significant number of allegedly highly educated medical Men Of Science decided that the injection of the tissue and fluids of a foreign species was an excellent idea and a healthy thing to do. And some people wonder why I don't trust the experts or their science.

Professor Skevos Zervos (1875-1966) is reported to have gone the full nut and performed the first successful testicle transplantation from an ape to a man in 1910.

In 1914, Chicago urologist Frank Lydston (1858-1923) reported sewing a cadaver’s testicle inside his own scrotum, claiming that the procedure had produced “a marked exhilaration and buoyancy of spirits” though he later had to have the cadaver testicle removed from his scrotum when, as he said, it "went bad." However, before his transplanted cadaver testicle 'went bad' Lydston speculated that the procedure could successfully treat "dementia praecox [paranoid schizophrenia], impotence and sterility, psychopathia sexualis, certain chronic diseases of the skin, the disturbances incident upon artificial or physiological menopause, sex mutilations, and precocious senility." 

Soon followed Dr. Steinach who in the early 1910s began experimenting on animals, transplanting ovaries into castrated males and testicles into sterilized females thereby triggering the development of cross-sex characteristics. By 1918 he was performing testicular transplants on humans. Steinach was lauded in the Yellow Press with celebrity testimonials from such eminent personalities as Sigmund Freud who was reportedly "Steinached" at age 67 and William Butler Yeats aged 69.

These famous and wealthy men weren't seeking merely a rejuvenation of their sexual gratification, but, rather they were hoping to achieve an extension of lifespan which borders on the Biblical if not miraculous. Certainly the alleged empowerment of the sexual body was a welcome benefit, but the purpose of the procedure was sold as something beyond the obvious bellend.

Sex sells and the public eyeballs are always hungry for headlines more salacious than the last. So the Yellow Press focused on the phallic phenomena forever, while Steinach and his imitators talked up the life prolonging benefits of "gland therapy."

What all did this gland therapy entail? Well, you best steel your stomach for this. This time, instead of injections of monkey brain into the spine, we are talking about sewing monkey testicles into a human scrotum. Good times!

An incision would be made in the scrotum of the patient and into the incision a thin slice of monkey testicle tissue would be inserted and the incision sutured shut. Voila! The monkey gland works its magic - excuse me, I intended to say "science." Now even the littlest man could stand up tall and proud!

Allegedly. Your mileage may vary.

Need more details? OK, here's a more precise description of "The Voronoff Method" from Arthur Walton in the January 20, 1929, issue of Eugenics Review:

Briefly, the method consists in making a small pocket between the layers of skin of the scrotum on each side of the testis. The internal surfaces of the pocket are slightly scarified in order to induce a mild inflammation and to promote the formation of new blood connections between the tissues and the graft. A piece of testis is then sown into the pocket and the wound stitched to gether. It should be noted that the graft does not actually come in contact with the testis of the animal grafted, being separated from it by the internal layers of skin of the scrotum, so that there is no possibility of the sperms from the graft finding their way into the reproductive tract of the animal.

While the procedure was pioneered by Steinach, he was not the only prominent practitioner profiting from the gullibility of the public and the ubiquitous desire to squeeze ever more enjoyment out of what life we are afforded. And, who could afford to take risks with an experimental and expensive medical procedure?

Millionaires. Of course, who else?

Whenever and wherever the wealthy are involved, rumors begin to grow. There were numerous rumors going around regarding millionaires and the doctors known for radical gland therapies.

By 1922 reports were emerging of young men who allegedly fell victim to a ring of organ thieves targeting them for their testicles. The millionaire Henry Baurichter was rumored to have been the recipient of one such allegedly stolen testicle, though he denied it. However, it was acknowledged that he had undergone a medical procedure of some sort under the care of Dr. Victor Darwin Lespinasse (1878-1946), who was a well known gland specialist and had in June of 1922 transplanted a monkey testicle into the scrotum of the millionaire Harold Fowler McCormick (1872-1941). Dr. Lespinasse, of course, denied that Baurichter had employed him for a rejuvenation procedure.

More specifically, Dr. Lespinasse denied that he would ever resort to the usage of stolen testicles if none were available on the open market. What's more, it's been reported that Dr. Lespinasse claimed there was a glut on the market with a minimum of a handful of fresh men dropping by the office daily to offer their testicles for as little as $4.

In 1930 it's reported that Dr. Jónas Sveinsson (1895-1967) performed a testicular transplant on an unnamed Norwegian millionaire. Dr. Sveinsson alleged that the donor was indeed paid handsomely for his sacrifice.

Though some men seeking a satisfaction of a financial, rather than sexual, nature were ultimately willing to sacrifice a testicle on the operating table for a negotiated compensation, it was also reported that some unfortunate men were unwilling donors. Though, of course, some allegedly unwilling donors were ridiculed for having sold a portion of their manhood though they were lacking the testicular fortitude required to take responsibility for having made so desperate a decision as to depart with so dear a possession. Desperate men do desperate things.

Desperate millionaires with hot young second, or third, wives threw money at doctors promising not only new life in the old nuts, but also extended life expectancy to accommodate the myriad children which would undoubtedly result from the fresh young wives of wealthy old men suddenly returned to youthful vigor by the miracle of testicular xenotransplantation. Science!

One of the more notorious doctors in the animal gland game was Dr. Samuel 
Serge Voronoff (1866-1951) who by 1927 had performed a thousand monkey gland surgeries. Though Voronoff had ceased performing xenotransplantation by the end of 1930, he continued to promote the practice as beneficial. After all, he had a reputation to protect.

Though the Yellow Press preferred to focus on the phallus, Dr. Henry Leighton-Jones (1878-1943), whom the press nicknamed "Monkey Jones", claimed that Dr. Voronoff's and his own advocacy for xenotransplantation of testicles were less motivated by an interested in sexual rejuvenation and more motivated by interest in life extension. Dr. Leighton-Jones had received a monkey testicle graft from Voronoff in 1929 before going on to perform the operation many times during the 1930s.

Several other prominent surgeons got in on the xenotransplantation game. However, not everyone could get their hands on some monkey testicles. Dr. John R. Brinkley (1885-1942) offered goat testicles as a substitute, which he alleged was more than adequate and perhaps even superior. How successful was Dr. Brinkley? Well, he was sued multiple times for wrongful death.

A 1939 article from the Newcastle Herald quoted Dr Leighton-Jones as saying in regards to Voronoff:

He thinks that everyone should be able to attain 100 years of age.

Voronoff himself had previously gone even farther, in 1931, when he was quoted by The Deseret News as claiming that thanks to gland therapy his patients could now live to 140 years old.

Never mind that Brown-Séquard who was responsible for kicking off the whole gland therapy craze had kicked the bucket within five years of reporting his first series of injections, gland therapy was a surefire cure for the inconveniences of senescence!

Eventually the monkey gland craze died down as more doctors found that the procedure produced no benefits for their patients and abandoned the practice. Of course, this was a slow social death as information travelled much more slowly back then.

By the time Voronoff himself had died in 1951 his reputation had fallen so low that some newspapers published the news of his death on the comics page. His life's work is distilled down to a punchline, you can occasionally find vintage Voronoff monkey ashtrays for sale.

Though this particular flavor of gland therapy, testicular xenotransplantation, fell out of favor the work of these doctors has lain the foundation for the science of endocrinology and to this day billionaires continue to search for some novel medical technology to enable them to attain physical Immortality. If not Immortality, then, life extension to the most extreme limits of science. And, when the flesh eventually fails beyond repair, then they will "ascend" into the cloud as a transhumanist virtual person where they intend to live forever, or at least until a CME event fries the hardware on which their virtual reality depends for its existence. The sun god demands sacrifice! The billionaires plan to dim the sun.

The cycle goes on.

Millionaires and billionaires continue to fund research into life extension and anti-aging medicine. Some notorious men made headlines for this.

Peter Nygard was reported to be spending millions on stem cell research for life extension. Jeffrey Epstein was likewise funding similar research at Harvard and other universities. Peter Theil is funding Young Blood which pays college students to donate their blood for transfusion into the wealthy elderly for rejuvenation. Bill Gates has also been funding medical research which could be beneficial to him and his buddies in their quest for immortality. Google is spending billions on life extension research.

Every week new reports are emerging of progress and lessons learned from the scientific quest for immortality. Telomeres is the watchword of the day now as the quest has moved to the genetic level.

Perhaps one day it will be normal for people to live to 140 years of age and beyond. Until then, Moonbats, hold on to your genitals like they're worth their weight in gold. Because, if what's old is new again once more, some mad doctor might decide that your testicles are worth even more to some wealthy dummy.





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Authentic biological human male. Based on a true story.

Moonbat Dives
Moonbat Dives

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