[written April 23, 2025]

Image source: https://diamondpaintingart.shop/products/kiyotaka-ayanokoji-art-5d-diamond-painting-art/

Moon Base is coming back. 

The best time of my life. Late 2019-2020. 

I started the Moon Base blog.

My brother left behind a Blue Yeti microphone, and I began converting my writings into videos. 

I was working from home as an independent contractor, completely on my schedule. 

No bosses. No coworkers. No social life. 

It was complete freedom and bliss. 

But soon enough, the contracts dried up. 

The pandemic forced more of my family members at home, and I lost the comfort I needed to record. 

I went on hiatus to write a book, The Thirteen Chambers of Monk Mode.

I published it, and then I disappeared again.  

A lot happened in between, but now I have one of the best jobs ever; being a doorman. 

I’ve got bosses and co-workers, but they’re all off-site at the main office (besides the building superintendent, who’s an introvert also and stays out of the way) while I’m free to study at my desk, take 1-2 hour lunch breaks, and even arrive to work late if I have to. I occasionally get away with leaving early too. 

It’s the braindead job I’ve always wanted. Why? Because no boss or company really deserves my brain power. I should be using all of that for my own businesses and intellectual pursuits. 

But there’s only one problem with this place, or rather, I’m having a problem with it. Inherently, it isn’t bad that I’m greeting and getting along with some of the women here. That’s my job after all.

The problem is that I like to respond, adapt to, or maximize my potential in every environment. When I was a student, I aimed for straight A’s as a Valedictorian and Dean’s Lister, and got it. I was “overdressed” at my last job, and had many co-workers trying to get me to loosen up. I sleep on a futon and fold it up to maximize my floor space, which allows me to work out at home so I don’t need a gym membership. 

You get the picture. 

So working as a doorman, I know that some of these women are living alone. I’m a handsome guy that they trust enough to let into their apartments while they’re gone, and ideally, I’m hoping they let me in their pants too. 

But I’m a professional. And a MGTOW. I know better not to cross this minefield while it’s still the #MeToo era. 

And that’s why my desire to realize this “ideal” scenario of serving dick as a Doorman is only half-hearted. My maximizing mind wants to do the very thing that will make my time here the most worthwhile. 

But there’s another part of me that desires that same freedom I had back when I started Moon Base: Ignore all the honeys, and focus on the vision. Because if someone handed me the $30,000 I would like before quitting my job to be a full-time entrepreneur for a year, without flinching I’d take it over a chance to sleep with all three of my top 3 baddies in this building. 

It’s my conscientious nature that sees all this sexual opportunity, but it’s not truly in my heart. Even though I actually have fallen in love with a woman here. But I’ve transmuted that energy to turn her into my muse. 

Read (inner):world 047 – Muse Theory. 

I’ve been considering going on vacation too. I wanted to go on one week of a 5-week Qi Gong retreat out into the mountains.

I’ve hesitated many times to return to Moon Base because I’ve also desired to start over as a spiritual teacher. Mastering Qi Gong is part of that. Enlightenment is of course a lofty goal as well. 

But chop wood, carry water. 

I still need to maximize and enjoy my day-to-day life, and we do that by crafting the perfect day, for every day. 

I have plenty of comfort, moments of bliss, and abundance in my current life now. But the absolute maximum is definitely being alone again, and working as a full-time entrepreneur. 

So fuck the vacation brother.

It hurts. It hurts bad. I do want to rest, break out of here, cut my hair, and soak in the nature and vibrations of the mountains with my Taoist siblings. 

But everything is already within. 

I love the idea. I want to be apart of it. But there’s tension involved if I do it now. 

My company is stingy with money and are stalling my approval. I’m still in debt from the traveling and expenses I made last year. I bought some self-study courses anyway, so I don’t really need the retreat. It’s just to expedite my accrual of student hours to be licensed as a Universal Healing Tao instructor, just to achieve that “maximized” potential when I do start making content as a spiritual teacher. 

But that’s all just ego, insecurity, and my incessant conscientious nature. 

Rocket ships are always heavier when they first launch, but offload a lot of materials to really reach maximum lift and acceleration into space. 

I too have to cut away everything extraneous in order to realize my true vision. 

$30,000 is a lot of money with my current salary. I could quit my job for a better one to raise the money faster. That’ll help me achieve my goal faster. But it’s just getting another job that I’ll use as a means to an end. I no longer want to live like that. 

Yes, I am separate from my goal. But that doesn’t mean that I’m suffering. I have desire and I do feel desperate, some days. 

But I take a breath, soak in the scenery from outside this coffee shop window, realize that I’m once again, taking a nearly 2 hour break, and think 

Damn, this job really ain’t so bad. 

When I finally do reach my goal, yes, it’ll come with its benefits, but I will for damn sure have new problems and challenges to go along with it. Then there’s going to be a new ideal to aim for, made right on top of my already-earned ideal. 

That is the nature of my conscientiousness. Seeking outside of myself will have me chasing for the 10,000 things. 

I do want to be alone again. But if I turn my mindfulness inward, I can be alone with sheer presence itself, and the bliss that comes along with it. 

All tension exists only to affirm my ultimate vision. Beyond my material goal, it is after all, enlightenment. 

That is why I must suffer, until this fruitfulness is learned. 

See You on the Far Side… – Moon Base. 

OFF//WORLD 030 – ETERNAL available now free, on my Ko-Fi page!