I’m a Dad of 3—three girls. All being girls notwithstanding, that’s a fairly standard, nuclear family type of deal I suppose, but I began to veer from that, the most common travelled path, at 48 years of age after having found myself going against the norm.  

Now, this isn’t where I start banging on about how all norms should be challenged and that the status quo is there to be rallied against—I’m no rebel, and we’re all travelling our own journey. I mean, the simple fact is, you can’t predict exactly where life’s choices, options, decisions, and circumstances will take you, and oftentimes you find yourself where you find yourself purely by accident. Okay, that’s not quite true, by definition of an accident—it’s our choices that get us where we are. In any case, it just so happens that my journey moved a little off that which is considered “normal”. I’m hardly a pioneer. Nor have I done, or doing, anything crazy, wild, or ground-breaking. I get to tell my story just the same, though, insipid as it may be.  

When my first was born, I was 29 years old—3 years under the average age of new Dads. Twenty years, and a completely different life and relationship later, I had my second child and, I have to say, it has wreaked havoc with my insecurities—my partner is a lot younger than me and, as a young woman, having children of her own was definitely on her radar and, I might add, a condition of any serious relationship moving forward, be it with me or anyone else. And on that point, it might be a good thing to have those conversations early on in a relationship. You can’t guarantee the outcome—the conversation may well lead exactly where you don’t want it to go—the risk being that the outcome of such a conversation may end up hurting. A lot. It’s the fairest thing for all involved, though, and akin to ripping off the band-aid quick in an effort to avoid more pain and anguish later on.

Alicia and I met whilst both completing our bachelor’s degrees in Allied health—side note: I’m the first in my family to go to University. Studying full-time at 43 years of age whilst trying to flog a dead-horse business, presented a lot of heartache and challenges, which is another story and topic of its own. But if you’ve been to uni, college, whatever you call it, then you are likely familiar with the challenges faced with the arduous requirement of group assessment. Group tasks, more often than not, see you working together with people from different walks of life, and personalities to go with it. It usually makes for a burdensome experience, oftentimes creating the perfect storm for arguments, disagreements, and picking up other people’s slack. Or a chance to slacken off, yourself, if you’re geared that way. And they’re likely designed as such—group assessments are an effective way of preparing individuals for the workforce where, at some point, you’ll likely be faced with working on projects in teams, or other departments, with people from all different walks of life and personalities to go with it, which will make for burdensome experiences and…you get the idea.

It was in group work where Alicia and I got to know each other. We both had a very similar approach to completing the task and, early on, we both noticed that our individual skillsets complemented each other’s. We seemed to just click, and work well together—something that remains so to this day. Her forte was more theoretical knowledge—book smart, if you will, whilst for me it was the more lateral thinking, practical, hands-on stuff. And from there, and through that, we just connected, and our relationship grew over the next couple of years. From the outset, neither of us were looking for a relationship—we both had people in our lives. But it was clear we really enjoyed each other’s company and, as it’s been said by someone, somewhere, you don’t always choose who you fall in love with.

The elephant in the room was, of course, the difference in age. I thought about that a lot, and it played hard on my mind. It still does, at times. Alicia thought about it too, with the difference being that she looked at the facts, evaluated the situation, considered her feelings, weighed up the pros and cons, made a decision, and moved on. With particular regard to kids, the crux of her outlook was, and still is, that raising self-confident, resilient kids is more important than how old their father is. To a point, perhaps.

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