Those of you who are aware of my existence probably noticed that for a few days, my post presence on this site was DISMAL. Extremely dismal. The state of my writing motivation is slightly better than a limbless soccer mom trying to do Jazzercise. Yeah, it's bad.

Ironically, I figured that the best way to circumnavigate the depths of my dry spell was to... well... tell my readers about my dryspell. In the medium of writing.

WHAT THE F*CK IS GOING ON?

I have been doing this for quarter of a year now, with quite a few posts and really awesome success. Last month was BALLER bro! You'd figure that would be some really badass motivation to kick my ass up off the couch of lazy, small-dicked complacency and GO AND GRAB THAT 500 DOLLAR MONTH BY THE TAINT AND SWING IT AROUND TOWN.

But... for some reason, that didn't happen. And now I'm stuck with the question: Where the hell did my Muse go? I have followers here! I have a kickass guy who picked me up on Cryptosorted to do some really badass writing for him! I'M KICKING ASS ON HIVE! Where's MY MOTIVATION? I'm honestly stuck trying to figure it out, but I have come to a couple of conclusions based on some reflection.

STRESS. The stress started with the Dreaded Coronas. But that didn't completely stop me. I was still banging out articles for at least half a month, doing my research and reading for more articles, participating in the cryptos, and shit, I EVEN WON ANOTHER WRITING CONTEST. On the other hand, mom has had some issues with her tumtum related to her gastric surgery and that has been an issue of worry.

Furthermore, I'm trying to get a survey done to get a family house built, a family house built, a Surveying test I need to study for, a Surveyor In Training Application I need to complete and send off, and school to finish my bachelor's starting in July. I'm swamped. Still, about 60 percent of these things have been on the agenda beforehand. There should be no reason for this sudden... FULL STOP.

SOME OTHER PSYCHOLOGICAL FACTOR UNACCOUNTED FOR. My happy pills are still working, I have had a few bouts of depressive feelings, but nothing I'm not used to. Writing was a way for me to express myself in some dipshit fashion to get a laugh and feel better. I still feel like it is, but there's something missing.

HAVE I BIT OFF MORE THAN I CAN CHEW? I'm going for broke putting the time into my crypto endeavors. I LOVE WHAT I DO HERE! I absolutely find it fascinating and WANT to do more. Apparently, there's a big difference between Want and Will. That scares me. I wanna make time to do this because:

- It's something I enjoy.

- I have "fans" and people that actually read what I have to say.

- I can make money doing this.

- It's serves as a nice respite from the other things I do in life.

What's worse, is that I feel the... complacency kinda seeping into my work at the office as well as the other things. I feel like my ass is dragging. And I'm MAKING GREAT PROGRESS! Alas, it's just one aspect of a bigger world that I involve myself with. Part of me asks myself, "Hey Richard, If you could make a damn good living doing stuff like this and ONLY this, would you?"

That's a hard question because I also love the work I do IRL. I'm a necessary person at my job, and I do work that the boss appreciates. Furthermore, I possibly have one of the GREATEST and most generous bosses imaginable. He saved me from a the literal hell of customer service at a freaking gas station. I owe him the largest debt of gratitude ever for making an ambitious, but depressive guy in a rut to productive man. I won't leave my work. It is too important for the long term. At this point, the question is academic anyway; I'd need a much larger following, maybe sponsors and more platforms and the ability to write EVEN MORE content and be able to pull in oh... maybe 4000.00 a month on this alone just to do this exclusively. Bare minimum.

I REACHED A MENTAL KILLSWITCH. This has to be the most batshit crazy theory. What if... subconciously... I see myself coming face to face to with a potential for success and somehow, I'm sabotaging myself. I ain't gonna lie to you, folks. I have some self esteem issues. For once in my life, I applied myself in the realm of writing and it has been well received. I'm not blasting my own rusty trombone over here, don't get it twisted. I just saw that my voice has meaning to those who for once... listen. And I'm more humbled by this revelation than emboldened.

Okay, So That's What You Think Is Going On. How Will You Fix It?

This is the part where I think I can find a solution. First and foremost, I think that it is time for me to look at how I manage my time and find a way to RE-KEY that management so that I can make due with everything I must get done. That means that I'll probably only do say... 10 to 12 posts a month here. This gives me time to exclusively dedicate to my man Chris over at Cryptosorted with writing, as well as take care of the other things I need to do. I will get back to you guys on how this works out for me.

Next I need to plan my writing more. Think of topics beforehand that I will be able to write, do my research and other bullshit, then WRITE IT. ASS IN CHAIR UNTIL I GET THAT SHIT DONE. I know that it sounds harsh, but the ass has to be in the chair, naked buttcheeks or not. Get what I set out to get done. Write a list of topics that I think of during the day at work, listen to some crypto podcasts while I'm doing my work, and be ready to throw out some words when I finally get things settled in the evening with my boy. Get er did.

On top of my endeavors here, I need to find a way to integrate my other goals into my workflow and time management. That's the only way I'm gonna get everything I want, hands down. I GOTTA do that, else I'll fall. So basically, time management again.

THE FINAL WORD.

So, that's been my head space for the past week or so. I wanna succeed SO BAD that I feel like I tripped up. But, I will try and solve it. I am open to ALL SUGGESTIONS. None of this was possible without you guys. I appreciate and love all of you. No homo sapiens. And just like That, I wrote a nearly 1200 word post. I thank you for that, too.

Until next time, keep your eye on the markets and grab your goals by the taint and swing them around town.