I Dropped Out of College Ten Years Ago. Here's What's Happened To Me.

By SkinnerCrypto | Magic and Lasers | 25 Feb 2020


Okay guys, while I LOVE to talk about crypto and generally make a fool of myself on the internet, I felt like I'd get a bit real with you today. Why? Because after 10 years of being out of college, I finally got my shit together and I have myself a new direction in life. I'm not there yet, but today is a Red Letter Day for me. I'll explain my journey to you in a nutshell, and then hopefully, you'll find a little inspiration.

Takin' You Back.

I was never a very social kid, and that was in part due to my upbringing. My mother is a recovering meth addict whose interactions with me typically involve her asking for money. My dad married the worst bitch imaginable. Long story short, At about 17, I didn't live with either of my parents. I lived with the my brother and sister's father (half-siblings) and his then wife.

While I was naive, I knew one thing; I had to find my life's work and apply myself to it. The big issue was that I had no damn clue what I wanted to do. It was a question that haunted me for a solid third of my life; What is my Legacy? What is it that I want to be known for? I had few options ahead of me:

1.) The Military.

2.) College

3.) A Bus Ticket to God knows where.

Based on my limited options, I chose number 2. So, since I had to choose a major, I went with my passions: Math and Science, (Specifically Physics). Back then, that 17 year old kid had it all. I had the love of my life, a bright looking future ahead, and an ambition to be something. My first two years of college were straight A's across the board, President's list, a study abroad trip to Thailand, and a growing steady love that in my short and turbulent life, I had never felt before. I was gonna be a badass academic; I dreamed of being called Dr. Skinner.

I was a little bit cocky. A little bit awkward socially, and I lived every day absolutely terrified of what the future had in store for me. It was a feeble outside affect for what I now perceive as a weak compensation for a vulnerable inward hell. I fought my social anxieties, and I pushed through.

Until the floodgates broke open.

The Screws Went Loose.

I don't know if it was my bad childhood, the pressure I felt to succeed, or simply a genetic predisposition. Depression hit me like a ton of gold bricks, with all of the density and none of the wealth. From what little I do remember, it was a scary time. I slept all day. I missed work and classes. The downward spiral had begun.

...and it ended with my trying to kill myself. I wanted to die. This didn't go over well with the love of my life. Being a Chinese woman, mental illness - especially your significant other - is a burden. It is a taboo. Our relationship unraveled to the point of breaking, and that was about it. I didn't know what else to do. So, after a week long in-patient visit at a mental hospital and finally withdrawing completely from college, I left. I moved in with my grandparents for a couple months. I don't know what my mind was thinking at the time. I was alone. I was in an extremely dark place and I felt completely fucking worthless. I worked at a Wal-Mart. I hated my life, my situation, and most of all, I hated myself.

That hatred would last. I carried that weight for a long time.

I eventually moved back home. And a couple years after that, some serious shit happened.

It Ain't About Me Anymore.

The following couple years was me in this new era of life trying to find what my life's work would be. I worked at a juvenile detention center. I delivered pizzas. I learned welding. I did a metric fuckton of stuff. Then I worked at a Casino, and it would be the job that - in a way I never expected - would change my life forever.

See, the thing you don't know about the informal employee culture at a casino is that people like to fuck. You heard that right. And, me being a naive 23 year old guy who only ever had one serious relationship in my life, I was not prepared for that. Now I'm a guy and I like women, but my lack of social graces often prevented me from being with anyone. At this time of my life, I hadn't had a relationship in over two years. Then I met... well for anonymity's sake, let's call her Jill.

Jill, apparently like me. She gave me her number and we started seeing each other. I learned that she was about 7 years older than me, was recently divorced, and I would later learn was kinda a whore because of it. Weight issues made her very insecure, but I never cared about stuff like that. She was a woman, and she was paying attention to ME! Holy Shit, that's awesome! In my mind then, a woman didn't pay attention to you if she didn't REALLY like you. That's just not how shit works! Like a dumbass, I totes fell for her head-over-shit.

And you know... We got a bit frisky as folks do.

 

 

 

And you know... I totally knocked her up.

I remember the day she told me. It was like the world STOPPED. I was gonna be a dad. This was a chance to make a family and finally... have something stable of my own. Sure, maybe we weren't together for very long, but we CAN make this work! I laugh thinking about it. Back then, I was an idealist to the highest degree. I would take responsibility for my actions, marry this woman and raise our son.

But that didn't happen. Not much longer after she told me, she broke it off and sequestered herself away from me. She didn't want a damn thing to do with me. In fact, she told me that I could just go, and she wouldn't even hold me responsible. I could have just left scot-free.

It took a minute, but I realized one thing; I was sold the largest bill of goods in my ENTIRE life. It would be an understatement to suggest that the proceeding nine months of my life were anything short of complete devastation. Here I was, a college dropout, some directionless socially awkward dipshit. Not only that, but I was nothing more than a rebound that went terribly wrong to a woman who desperately wanted a kid, but not me. And that last part... sometimes when I lay in bed at night I wonder; Maybe that rebound didn't go so terribly wrong for her...

If it wasn't for two things, I would be nothing more than a headstone right now:

1.) Bitch, are you FOR REAL? I am a lot of things, but I am NOT going to be another deadbeat absent FATHER who was all too willing to shirk the the largest responsibility of my LIFE. That BOY needs a dad and goddamn it, his ass is gonna get a DAD. HIS DAD.

2.) Those who supported me through this time. The folks who helped me lift myself up and get the things done so I could be the dad I was MORALLY OBLIGATED to be.

And so, twists and turns and six years later, I made myself the Father I needed to be. It wasn't always easy. I made a lot of mistakes. But she made mistakes too, and at the wrong time. My son lives with me, and I call the shots now. Because mark my words, people: I will die a gruesome death before I let this child have the life I did, even at the hands of his own mother. I know that Jill hates it. This wasn't supposed to go this way for her. I was supposed to be a meek and mild guy that just rolled on over and took it. But I wasn't. And I never will.

In no small part, it answered that question that I was always asking myself. What is my life's work gonna be? What is my legacy? Part of that is that I am a DAD.

But, being a dad doesn't pay the bills.

Finding the Final Part of the Answer.

I'm no superstitious person, and I don't believe that there is some pre-ordained fate for me. However, I do believe in the serendipitous, and this next part is undeniable proof.

So, I was a gas station cashier. I worked night shift six days a week. Clearly, I was still trying to find the last part of my life's ultimate question. A man would come in every morning. He would bullshit with me, and then would get a big cup of ice and bottle of water. Like clockwork. Every. Single Morning. One day, I asked him, "Hey (REDACTED), what exactly is it that you do?"

"I am a land surveyor. I own my own company here in town."

"Oh really, that sounds really interesting! What does a land surveyor do?"

He told me the thirty second cliffnotes, and I thought that was pretty cool. Clearly it showed, because before he left, he asked me something:

"Are you good with computers?"

My dad is an old IT guy. I did it myself for a bit. and I was studying at the time to become a web developer. "Oh, yes, I am pretty good with them."

"Why don't you come work for me?"

And I was like..holy shit. YES of course.

Not much longer after that day, I put in my two weeks notice at the gas station and went to work for him. I became a Land Survey Draftsman, IT Nerd Aficionado, and his go to guy for a bunch of cool, special projects after I learned the ropes.

I was hooked, and I had found a solid certainty in my life that I ad never found before: I didn't know when or how, but I wanted to be a Land Surveyor just like my boss.

Three years later, lots of learning and a metric shit-ton of personal/financial housekeeping I am finally taking the first step into a larger world. I am soon going back to school to finish my degree in business. I am also applying to be a surveyor in training. As of today, this has become possible.

Life is by no means perfect. There are several trials and tribulations ahead. However, I have a clear goal in mind, and nothing short of an act of God Himself will keep me from it. I am going to be somebody. I am going to break the chains. For me and my son.

And my journey has just begun. Sometimes, when you're actively searching for something, it comes out of nowhere and hits you in the face like a ton of gold bricks. This time, I think the wealth might come with it.

Thanks for reading, I REALLY REALLY appreciate it. Now that I got the life story out of the way, I'm ready to get back to my typical crypto stuff! I hope you enjoyed it.

OH OH OH, PLEASE if you want to see more of my antics in the future, please follow me on STEEMIT. I'm gonna rock that platform too.

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SkinnerCrypto
SkinnerCrypto

I'm a futurist, cryptocurrency enthusiast, techie, artist and aspiring land surveyor. I like to solve problems. Part Time Ginger Asshole with an Opinion. I have some ideas for a planned community.


Magic and Lasers
Magic and Lasers

This blog is dedicated to the talk of Cryptocurrency topics, Futurism, Technology, And the general rantings of a Bearded Ginger Internet Assmaster. Enlightenment is possible here, but humor comes standard with every purchase.

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