So, today I read this headline and it broke me...as reading the news nowadays tends to tbh... It's all so grim, we are living in truly terrifying times: economically, environmentally, politically but this one has hit home hard, because I know first hand who and how this will affect. I know the arguments that bigoted, transphobes in disguise as level headed, everyday people coming from the perspective of science (cos, you know, biology states that there are only 2 sexes and anyone who believes in sex or gender being a spectrum obviously doesn't understand basic science [WRONG btw, so wrong but I literally don't have the energy to go into these basics right now, watch this if you want a low down]), or upholding women's rights, or suggestions, in this case, that a parents right to have knowledge of how their child defines themselves is more important than a child's mental health. I know them and I call bullshit! This is simply another form of erasure - of denying these children the right to exist, and to what end?
As a parent - a parent who loves her children and wants the best for them, and also a parent of a transgender child, I accept that if my child, either of my children chose to hide an intimate aspect of their identity from me that that would be either my failing as a parent or simply a part of their growth. Because no. I do not have rights over their thoughts and feelings and I am not entitled to them sharing them with me. Gutting as that would be if it came to my attention that they hadn't felt able. I would be happy they hadn't felt forced to internalise it all, which is what this new ruling will push onto trans children: it will push them back into a space where they (some of them) will have to hide.
Unfortunately, many trans children are unable to discuss their identity with their parents. And for many of those children school has been a harbour and a sanctuary enabling them to be referred to by their chosen pronouns and name, safe in the knowledge that their privacy was protected. Safe in the knowledge that they wouldn't have to deal with the cold, harshness of their parents transphobia and denial of who they are. This kind of erasure at such a tender juncture can have debilitating and dramatic effects upon young trans children - already battling with gender dysphoria, anxiety, depression, not to mention the discomfort and awkwardness of simply being an adolescent. There is a reason that rates of self harm and self inflicted death are higher amongst trans children than cis - because of all of the above. And now it has been deemed correct to take away one of their last bits of protection and safety?
I feel lucky in many ways that my son's journey through his gender identity struggles have reached a point where I no longer feel the need to go and check that his self harming hasn't resulted in something serious and needing medical intervention. I may well have some level of PTSD over that (because that state of mind you get yourself into, as a parent of a child who is self harming regularly, going through gender dysphoria and depression, and puberty (female puberty when he identifies as male) leaves you with a mild edge of internal hyper vigilance that is hard to shift), and he definitely has many physical and mental scars too from that. But he is moving further and further away from that point and is blossoming. I know that not all parents of trans and gender non conforming children can say the same...
Post COVID, children and adolescents accessing of mental health services has exploded. I worked in the field of mental health with adolescents for a period and to say it is flooded (services are flooded) doesn't quite do it justice. CAMHS (Children's and Adolescents Mental Health Services) has become an almost pointless service simply through the levels of children accessing their service not being met by an adequate increase in funding. They cannot do their jobs properly. School mental health services are under staffed (with the staff also underpaid and often at breaking/crisis point themselves due to being overwhelmed) and have huge waiting lists that cannot function properly to keep children safe.
Base line is, if we put pressure on schools to inform parents of children's gender identity, those many children that feel they cannot come out at home, will now not be able to have that outlet at school. And what do we think the end result of that will be? Some out there might say, well... You'll have less children *playing* with gender and *jumping on the bandwagon*. Wrong. Those children will simply absorb that lack of acceptance and support and internalise their mixture of feelings with no ability to discuss that in a safe space. And when we have mental health services that are already flooded, that scenario seems utterly abhorrent and shocking to me. Shocking that any adult would think that is acceptable because, you know, it's more important for parents to know these intimate aspects of their child's identity.
Rishi Sunak wants to, ultimately, remove gender identity/reassignment from the equality act and this is just step one on that path. He says this is about protecting women's rights but I'm sorry, a) Fuck off ! Since when has he given a shit about human rights? And b) trans rights are a feminist issue because this is about gender non conformity... It's about stepping out of that binary and not upholding cis men as the most important beings. It's about equality. Equity. It is anti patriarchy.
END OF RANT!!
