FEAR OF DARK WATER? Wild swimming in nature with an overactive imagination

By (S)llew la Wulf | Llewella_la_femme | 21 Jul 2021

On one hand, this is just a nice snapshot of me and my fine self taking a dip, to cool myself off in the summer heat (I hope everyone out there has found a way to stay chilled in these high temperatures). The song (slowed down edit of Sunset Lover by Petit Biscuit) is a favourite of mine, just such a smooth, somehow nostalgic piece of contemporary (slightly teen angst yearning) music.

But the video is actually of me trying (but failing) to overcome my fear of dark water... Of swimming beyond the point at which I can stand up. It is...totally irrational, I know. I can swim, am not the strongest of swimmers but am capable of swimming, say, to the island on the other side of the bank. But...when I start to feel the tilt of the earth beneath my feet... The slope downwards... and then acknowledge the water becoming darker... I fall into a kind of panic. I feel sick and anxious and my mouth starts to sweat. Am not quite sure what I think will happen... I'm not a fan, I have to say, of water dwelling creatures, or rather, they give me the heebegees too. Again, totally irrational. Bearing in mind I love spiders, have no issue with them crawling over me or picking them up. I have also always been fascinated by snakes and bats - 3 creatures many people are scared of. But fish... It's silly, I know. But the idea that they are in there... Swirling in a writhing mass beneath my vulnerable body... That definitely adds to it. But is not it entirely. I have been able to swim in clear, deep water before, and even saw some fish and was OK... It was fine. I handled it. But dark water is another matter...and perhaps my imagination is far too overactive to handle that murkiness. I create Leviathans and Krakens and Vampire Eels 😅

I tried. Tried to make myself swim across today. Tried 4 times, each time failing at around the same spot... I have no idea how deep it is, but again. The not knowing... I scream at one point towards the end of this video because I'm so tense! I saw a shadow and convinced myself it was an eel! 😂😂😂

Anyway, thought I'd share a totally unbadass side to me... Onwards and upwards. I'll keep trying...

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(S)llew la Wulf
(S)llew la Wulf

Yet another artist screaming (colourfully) into the void. I like to dance. I write. I do self portraiture and i draw... I cover topics ranging from racial bias to female sexuality to capitalism to rape culture and of course, love ❤️


Some of my more political writing and art...

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