Smart wish

3 friends were walking along a dark forest road when they stumbled upon an old lamp. One of them rubbed it and out came a Genie.

GENIE: You have found me! I will grant each of you only one wish! So wish wisely!
1ST FRIEND: I wish I was the richest man in the world!
GENIE: Done!
2ND FRIEND: I wish I was the most powerful man in the world!
GENIE: Done!
3RD FRIEND: I wish those two became my slaves!
GENIE: Done!

The historian

JOHN: Me and my wife had a fight. She went "historical".
JAMES: Maybe you mean she went "hysterical" and not "historical"?
JOHN: No, I meant "historical" because she shouted out all of my past sins!

The medication

NURSE: Sir, wake up! It is time for you to take your medicine!
PATIENT:(Waking up slowly) Oh, nurse...what kind of medicine is it?
NURSE: Sleeping pills!

Heaven and hell

PETRA: Mom, Daniel asked me to marry him!
MOM: Really? Then why are you sad?
PETRA: He's an atheist! He doesn't believe in the Almighty and in heaven or hell for that matter!
MOM: Go on, marry him. Don't worry, dear. When he marries you and with me as his mother-in-law, he will believe and know the difference between heaven and hell!

The kidnapping

KIDNAPPER: Transfer to us 1 MILLION USD in BTC or you'll never see your child again!
FATHER: Please, I only got 500,000 USD!
KIDNAPPER: Are you stupid??? Are you deaf??? We want a MILLION!
FATHER: How about HALF A MILLION?
KIDNAPPER: Deal!