Yes, I have a black name,” is one of the first things out of Shoniqua’s mouth, this maiden voyage meeting her. Though I haven’t mentioned that, she is apparently used to hearing such, hence the preemptive strike. Yet still must prefer it to her middle name or an abbreviation or perhaps something else entirely. “I have a black name,” she repeats.
Thus begins the glorious introduction to Joe’s new girlfriend. Just the three of us, somehow, at Triads Lounge, on an otherwise unremarkable and somehow still brutally cold — though we are nearly through March now — weeknight. Jeff is manning the bar with his usual brand of outrageous repartee, only occasionally cutting through the noise and discernible at this side table where we are seated. He’s in a much more subdued mood than usual, yet still manages to entertain.
“YOU’RE A DICK!” he shouts at some customer, then gets all sensitive a moment later when a sappy ballad comes on juke.
“This is my song, here,” he says, hand over heart.
Yet I soon return my focus to the primary concern, appraising Joe’s new find. It seems he met her through his parents, that she’s the daughter of some family friends. And she’s a decent looking, blue eyed brunette — not as jaw dropping in appearance as the stripper, yet this was presumably the whole point, and a worthwhile tradeoff to land somebody far more normal. She works in the city school district in some capacity, and dresses as respectably as one would hope, all positive signs. From a personality standpoint, she has a sarcastic sensibility that meshes well with the rest of ours and bodes well for the future.
“You’re very dry,” she tells me in the early going, albeit with an approving nod.
If being honest, though, most of what us guys wonder about when meeting a buddy’s new woman is what kinds of friends she might have. So this could emerge as fruitful terrain, if she puts a good word in for us, allowing us to sample some potentially classier fare ourselves down the road. And I’m also looking at her as a tiebreaker of sorts, one which has already fallen in my favor, as the third (unless we’re counting Angel, which none of us really do) of Joe’s serious relationships. Or even if you include Angel in the broad category which also considers his more casual flings — about half have liked me, half not so much. Lee Ann and I hit it off extremely well, but before that he was dating Janis, who had no use for me whatsoever. On any given night there could be five or six of us males doing exactly the same thing, which hadn’t even originated with me, but Janis would inevitably conclude that I alone was the jackass of the bunch, no one else. Shoniqua’s apparent approval thus far helps tip the scales in my favor, and seemingly confirm that these were Janis’s and Angel’s personality defects, not mine.
So this is somewhat of a surprise, because I’m never really sure how these matters will play out. Exceedingly higher on the shock meter, however, is how swiftly Joe moves in with her. Following a week of parading Shoniqua around, on the second occasion of which Dylan and Pete briefly meet her, also at Triads, she and Joe drop off the radar once more. Only to resurface about a month later, having rented half of a duplex, on a quiet residential street, just slightly south of the Edgecrest region.
Not that we are surprised in the slightest Joe would wish to settle down, only the sweeping, sudden fashion that he has. We are caught off guard, though Shoniqua is obviously more serious and stable than virtually anyone else he’s dated, with a little more going on upstairs, someone he can converse with in coherent fashion. Already, it seems obvious that they are a perfect fit, and I wouldn’t be too terribly astounded — given the degree to which Joe is eager to “get on with his life” and settle down — to hear wedding bells chiming all too soon. Itself a terrifying prospect by proxy, for our remaining crew, as he would be the first close friend drawing anywhere near that bridge.
Having resurfaced out of nowhere, via Joe simply calling me at work (only those truly in the know recognize this as the best means of reaching me, an unfortunate glitch I haven’t yet resolved), I am invited over at last to check out their new pad. Here I discover their extremely cozy, two story townhouse, with hardwood floors and a fireplace, nice thick tastefully placed rugs and a woman’s distinctive decorating touch. Later that night, we wind up hopping into Shoniqua’s sedan, as she drives us — to Triads, where else — and we proceed to close down that place.
“Do you think we’ll work out?” she asks me, albeit not as a clandestine aside, rather with Joe right here, standing beside the tall table as he’s about to go grab some refills. Therefore she’s looking over at Joe and smiling, though I am the one under the interrogation spotlight.
“I do,” I nod and tell her, “you seem…sensible…”
That night, we return to their house where I am invited to crash in the spare room. And do just that, though they will subsequently laugh that I had just passed out on my back atop the covers, and never even used the blankets. Which will repeat itself a couple other times, this exact sleeping detail, over the next few weeks, as I am repeatedly invited to hang out with these two. With Phil still locked in his room, and Pete now the most distant, secretive one, his girlfriend still unfamiliar to us all, and even Dylan not coming around much, somehow it is only ever me with this golden couple, during these plentiful occasions, these halcyon early days. Except on the occasions where the inevitable friend is invited over, Shoniqua’s bestie Maggie.
One downside with this random hookup lifestyle, especially given my typical tight lipped tendencies, is that people commonly think I have nothing going on. It’s more than a worthwhile tradeoff, however, for a litany of reasons, among them in that it often leads to situations like this, Shoniqua not so subtly attempting to fix me up with Maggie. You can still make things happen even with a steady girlfriend, of course, but it’s not quite so easy, and there’s a good chance that someone as serious minded as Shoniqua would never recommend her friends to somebody in a relationship. Nor that somebody as seemingly plain vanilla as Maggie would ever have interest in such, either.
And yet this is just one of the many drawbacks I find in Maggie. She is technically an attractive girl, a short blonde with a sweet face, long, straight hair, well endowed. Although subsequently misquoted to some degree, my initial observations on the matter, to Joe one night, is that she “seems about as exciting as dating your mom.” He laughs, and though this soundbite somehow later morphs into me having allegedly said “she reminds me of my mom,” it doesn’t really change the sentiment any, that I find her personality a little too nice and dull for my tastes. Apart from the aspects which are flat out annoying, that is, like the way she tends to shout out “HA!” at maximum volume instead of actually laughing at anything, or that you just know she’s going to prove extremely clingy the first time you make even the slightest feint in her direction.
Not to mention that she’s going through a divorce. And is therefore a head case half the time anyway, although thankfully mostly just choosing to stay home during these occasions. But is an okay euchre partner, easily the high point of our interactions, even though Shoniqua keeps talking about things like the four of us going to a hockey game together, or other theoretical outings like this.
In other news: order the complete novel from my official site and save a few bucks, on the exact same versions, versus what the big mean corporate ogres at Amazon are charging:
Well-Behaved Monsters paperback
Thanks and have a great week!
