I grew up in Georgia and when I was seventeen, I was visiting some family in Tennessee during the summer. On a Wednesday night during the trip, my cousin and I decided to go see a movie. This was in the early 1990s and we were going to watch Universal Soldier, staring Jean-Claude Van Damme. Now this move was rated R and in Tennessee you had to be eighteen to watch an R rated movie at the time. In Georgia, you could go to these movies at seventeen, or maybe in my little town no one cared who saw what, I don't really know, I just thought I was good to see the movie. Not realizing you had to be eighteen, when we went to purchase our tickets and the ticket person asked how old we were, I sad seventeen thinking there was no issue.  Not so. She told us you had to be eighteen and we couldn't go see it.  

(Now, let me take a step back and tell you what happens over the next fifteen minutes are decisions I made that would make me cringe whenever I think about them for the next thirty years. You can tell this is fact at how I can remember all the details as if this was yesterday.)

So, after realizing we couldn't get into Universal Soldier we take a step back to decide what to do next.  Being a Wednesday, the theater was empty (this should have come into play in my thinking later on, but, it did not.) We noticed what looked like the manager standing behind the ticket counter and he plainly saw what the we were just denied tickets.  This was a fairly small theater, Universal Soldier was playing on the main screen, and two other movies were playing on smaller screens on the opposite side of the lobby. The two smaller theaters were showing Sister Act and Unlawful Entry.  Now, Unlawful Entry was also rated R, leaving Sister Act, starring Whoopi Goldberg, as our only option to see a movie.  

Since our choice was made for us, we both bought tickets to Sister Act and walked into the theater.  Now, once inside, we realize that when we go to the side with two movies, we could simply go to either one. We are out of sight of the ticket office and the manager standing in the front lobby area.  I have no urge to see Sister Act and talk about sneaking into the other theater with my cousin. He decides to stick with Sister Act and I will go see Unlawful Entry and we will meet up afterwards.  

So, far nothing too strange, but, it goes down hill quickly.  This is my first time ever watching a movie by myself at a movie theater and I don't want to end up sitting directly next to anyone.  This is a good time to remember that it is a Wednesday and we have not seen anyone else at the theater other than ourselves and employees.  In my head the best way to avoid sitting directly next to anyone would to be to make sure there is one seat between myself and someone else in the movie theater, that way any people coming in after I sit down would pick another place to sit as there would be only one seat between myself and the next person.  

Well, as luck would have if when I walk in the theater, there is one person sitting near the middle of the theater. Now, a normal person would see this and think, this is a slow night and only one other person is here, I'll just sit anywhere. But....not me, I am sticking with my plan. That's right, in an almost completely empty theater on a Wednesday, I go sit one seat down from the only other person in the theater.  I am not a complete idiot, as soon as I dow this, I realize that I have a created a completely awkward situation.  This is where I should have fixed the situation by apologizing and moving to a different seat. Seventeen year old me, though, sticks with the plan and starts praying for more people to start showing up.  Minutes tick by and no else show up, the lights go down and no one else shows up. Finally, a lone girl walks into the theater. Now, at least, there is one other person so maybe this will be less weird.  Then the unthinkable happens, she starts walking towards me, she then starts down my row, she then gets to me and slides past me... and you guessed it, sits in the seat between me and the other guy in the theater. Let me make sure you understand what has happened, the three of us are sitting side by side and not another single person comes into the theater.

At this point, I think the girl has now realized I am not with the guy that she was meeting and that we are now in a situation that will lead to the most uncomfortable movie experience that not just us, but anyone, anywhere has ever been in. I am mortified and frozen. Unable to move. I settle in for the next two hours. 

Let me take a minute to say how Unlawful Entry got its R rating, there is a pretty graphic sex scene with Ray LIotta and Madeleine Stowe. Just so you know, I am not looking up who starred in a three decade old movie, it is all burned into my memory.  So, not only am I watching this movie with two people I don't know, but, I am sitting next to a girl watching a lengthy nude scene. 

At any point I could have moved seats, pretended to go the bathroom, or simply left. Nope, I watched the whole movie in complete silence and when the credits started I left without acknowledging anything. No eye contact, nothing. I then went decades pretending this night never happened. It wasn't until I had been married for a years before I finally came clean and told my wife about this. I can only hope this couple I sat next to stayed together and are somewhere out there still telling this story from their point of view at dinner parties and family outings.  Maybe they end it by saying they avoided some crazy axe murderer that night.  

One last item to add to the overall weirdness of this story.  I am 6'7." So, I am just not some normal person, I am and rather large guy squished into a seat next to these people.