(IJCH) Neon Piss and The Second Coming (Humor)
Source (Base Source #1) (Base Source #2)
IJCH - Inside JaiChai's Head (meaning: My warped, personal opinions and musings)
From the Author:
Salutations.
I am JaiChai.
And if I haven't had the pleasure of meeting you before, I'm delighted to make your acquaintance now.
50 Shades of Neon Piss
While watching the movie "Jarhead" yesterday, I thought about this:
As a young practical joker in the military, I secretly caused my new boss's urine to turn semi-neon orange in color - using the urethral anesthetic/analgesic medication called pyridium.
The boss panicked and made a beeline to the base clinic; upon which he was eventually cleared.
He was thoroughly (and publicly) embarrassed by his less-than-stoic behavior and immediately ordered the team's senior enlisted member to "provide us with the appropriate EMI - Extra Military Instruction."
The Gunny started his paternal monologue with:
"Listen up ladies. I have been informed that we have a freakin' genius in our midst! This individual has elevated stupidity from a mere science into a God Damn art form! Jesus H. Christ, maybe the Messiah has a freakin' rival!"
After a "splash down" in some shit smelling mud, we were in the "down" position of a caterpiller push-up while the Gunny continued imparting his wisdom on us heathens...
The Second Coming?
And here is a snippet of my Gunny's 30 minute tirade:
(Sowly pouring neon-orange piss on the back of my neck.)
"Gentlemen and Doc (me), Behold! One of you has turned water into wine! Doc! Tell me what freakin' vintage it is!..."
Needless to say, when we were allowed to recover (stand up) from the down position of the push-up, we did a 60 minute military calisthenics "warm-up" session, followed up with 3 hours - and many miles - of running until sunset with our arms outstretched, palms up and looking skyward for "Manna From Heaven."
Was the practical joke worth it?
Hell yeah!
The boss was a prick and subsequently didn't last very long in our unit...
By JaiChai
Thanks for stopping by.
About the Author
Believing that school was too boring, he dropped out of High School early; only to earn an AA, BS and MBA in less than 4 years much later in life – while working full-time as a Navy/Marine Corps Medic.
In spite of a fear of heights and deep water, he performed high altitude, free-fall parachute jumps and hazardous diving ops in deep, open ocean water.
After 24 years of active duty, he retired in Asia.
Since then, he's been a full-time, single papa and actively pursuing his varied passions (Writing, Disruptive Technology, Computer Science and Cryptocurrency - plus more hobbies too boring or bizarre for most folk).
He lives on an island paradise with his teenage daughter, longtime girlfriend and three dogs.
