"Nae kin, nae quin! We will nae be fooled agin!"
— The Nac Mac Feegle; Wee Free Men; Terry Pratchett
Well, maybe a queen, if she's not going to be autocratic or despotic, but I doubt she will ... Anyway, that's possibly beside the point. Then again, it may be very pertinent to the point, but enough beating around the bush with this allegory.
What is it with some men, if not entitlement, that they come on too strong and won't take "no" for an answer until someone is rude to them or stands them up? That's partly why I'll be working for a majority-women company. Attitude and approach matters.
Interviews are still negotiations between two entities (or are supposed to be). Even though one of them holds most of the power, that doesn't mean the other is entirely powerless. Desperate for work, yes, but not powerless ...
If my job interview had been a virtual date or vetting for a BDSM play party, then the man on the other end of it (the lead developer for a corporation doing software and Website development) would have been trying to get into my pants or put a collar on me (probably both) before we'd even agreed to meet for coffee. At least, that's the impression I got from how that exchange and subsequent emails between us went. He completely ignored the reasons I gave as to why I didn't think I'd be a good match for/with what he wanted, within the time he wanted it, and the conditions that would need to be met in order for that to be otherwise. He just swept those aside and attempted to pressure me into doing what he wanted, when he wanted it. (In the interview, I explained that I'd need at least until the end of the month, about three weeks, to learn the tech stack he favoured. Right afterwards, he sends me an email to the effect of "Why don't you come in first thing next week and we can assess your knowledge of our tech stack?")
I've worked for people like that before and ended up having a nervous breakdown from burn-out and in hospital as a result. If I let them override my boundaries once, then they'll do it again. It's a nightmare and I'm not going to make that mistake again.
By comparison, the other company's response was roughly "we're willing to give you that time so that your knowledge is more closely aligned with our requirements, if you're willing to work with us on a trial basis to see if you're a good fit and if it will work out". (Their structure is more of a collaborative commune where team members are pretty much free to do their own thing, provided that the work gets done and an account of it is kept.) I'm actually looking forward to working with/for them, despite my concerns (and not only because it will be good to earn a large salary again).
For me, it was a no-brainer as to which potential employer to choose.
If I'm going to be a slave to the wage, then I want the person holding my leash to understand that, first and foremost, I'm a person with reservations and shortcomings, not a named and numbered fuel cell to be squeezed until I'm drained of everything I can give, for the benefit of the corporate machine. If you want my respect and co-operation, you have to earn it by showing you deserve it, not demand it, try to get it by force or because you have authority over me. (I don't respect authority; I respect leadership. Appealing to your authority will not gain you any credibility in my eyes. It's just how I'm wired. It means I have to do what you tell me, but not that I'll respect you while I do it.) In the case of the man who interviewed me, I hadn't even agreed to let him have that authority over me and he was already trying to override my list of tasks to reach a milestone and the timeline I estimated they'd require. How presumptuous! No, Cartman, I will not respect your authoritah!
Thumbnail image: Photo by Pixabay on Pexels
