I'm pretty stumped as to what to write today, so I am offering you this load of drivel in the hopes that you get a giggle or two out of it to start your day. As for me, I'll try to get into my old phone and change/remove two factor authentication from/on some of my accounts before moving on to looking for work, yet again.
Sometimes, I feel the need to post random drivel on the Web, often non-nonsensical as well. There's probably some sort of syndrome or a particular word that describes that compulsion/urge, but I don't know it. Conderfy! Anyway, this happened:
I heard that you're vegan now,
That you tried a new diet and are committed now.
I heard that the beans came through,
That they give you gas
When put in a stew.
[Alternatively:
I heard that the beans passed through.
I guess her cooking suits you more
Than mine did for you.]
Old friend, why are you so shy?
It ain't like you to hold back
On farting in the night.
I hate to turn the air blue uninvited,
But may I use your loo?
I cannot hold it,
by the look on my face,
not for much longer!
Never mind, I'll find
A Whole Foods near you.
I wish nothing but the best
For your toots!
Don't forget wheat,
I beg.
I remember you said,
"Sometimes I fart a lot,
But sometimes I burp instead", yeah!
Nothing compares, no worries or cares,
When you were letting rip
While we watched TV from the sofa.
Never mind, I'll find
A Whole Foods near you.
I wish nothing but the best
For your poops!
Don't forget wheat,
I beg.
I remember you said,
"Sometimes I fart a lot,
But sometimes it squirts instead", yeah!
You know how the fruit flies,
Only yesterday, they were eating a banana.
"Sometimes I fart a lot,
But sometimes I burp instead", yeah, yeah!
Based on "Someone Like You" by Adele Laurie Adkins and Daniel Dodd Wilson. Now, if only I could get someone like Weird Al to make a version of this, but he apparently doesn't take gifts/suggestions from other musicians because of attribution/credit/royalty issues, which I can understand. Maybe BLR or The Lonely Island might run with it instead.
/r/random/i-wrote-a-fart-song
/r/farts
