This may be very unpopular but I’m comfortable with my opinions. If you dislike it or strongly disagree, feel free to either state that without being confrontational, unfollow or block. There will be no hard feelings on my part, maybe just a little passing disappointment.

I’m a person first. I matter even if my numbers aren't high and my earnings are low. Period.

Let’s get this fucking shit out of the way first: I have 125 followers at last check. Fine. Not a large following by any means, but not bad either. Some people will respond that I should fuck all the way off because I obviously wanted them (well, no shit, Sherlocke!) and I’m typing out my arse. You have your opinion too, one to which you're entitled. No, I won’t delete those comments or block their writers; they are a part of my journey/audience too, even if I disagree with them or think they should GTFO.

TBH, I didn't expect to have as many followers this quickly when I joined about six months ago. Given that my numbers fluctuate noticeably at about 50 on antisocial media sites I've been on for years, 125 is (relatively) quite a large number for me. Some people get hundreds or thousands of followers quickly. Good for them; they're not me and I'm not going to compare myself to them, because I'm me and (mostly) very happy to be so, walking my own path. I'm also not going to water down or generalise my writings to appeal to a larger audience. I've tried that and it didn't work. It's not me and people can tell. Honestly, I'm fine with that. Good for them and for me.

I realise that I'm not a typical cishet white guy, fortunate enough to have grown up with a multicultural social circle that contained people of many genders, sexual identities, beliefs, income brackets, etc. (Shoutout to those of you who aren't neurotypical or heteronormative). I am grateful for that. However, I'm just a broke, white, thirty-something crypto-anarchist with strong opinions, a gift for language(s) and an acid/caustic tongue. I put something (sometimes a lot) of myself into what I write and publish here (some of it very personal). Those who've followed me for a while will know that.

It’s really not that difficult. I mean come on; it’s not. It isn’t a struggle. I came from struggling (more emotionally than intellectually or financially, although the latter has changed). I know what that looks like. This isn’t it. I'm honest/genuine and forthright in my writing. I'm snarky. I'm prolific in my writings, too. Boom, that's it; really not that tough!

I like having followers and knowing that my content gets read, liked and tipped (even minimally/modestly). Obviously, I'd certainly like to have more of both. I'm not going to deny that. However, if they/you decide that something I post is going too far and to drop me for/over it, that's OK too. I do and write what I like and I do it for me. I'm not going to water it down or change it in order to appeal to a wider audience. If other people like it, that's a bonus. If they don't and are willing to discuss it with me, even better.

I get a few followers here and there and followers like my stuff now and then. I’m thankful, but I'm not going to hunt for them/you. Honestly, thank you for your likes and tips; I really and truly appreciate them. But I don't use them to judge my worth as a person. Since Pub0x allows one to tip so little and I mostly go ignored on Read Cash, I don't even use them to judge the worth of my writing. I know what it's worth, because it's mine and, ultimately, I write for myself. I just happen to share my journal and talent in the hope that I'll earn crypto for it. I do my best not to attach my worth to how much attention or adoration I get (or not) on antisocial media and writing sites like this one, because that's shallow and will only upset me. Of course, nobody's perfect and I still make that mistake sometimes. Fair enough, yeah?

I’m so much more than a click.

It’s so fickle that one day you’re loved and important and the next you aren’t. If you see yourself as the person you package then it’ll hurt, if you’re fake then you have to keep that persona. I’ve had people message me to tell me they were upset and felt that they were fooling others because they really weren’t what they were portraying. That must be exhausting. I was sad with them because they didn’t feel that they’d be loved if they were themselves.

I’ve not always been liked but I’ve always been me.

So while I’m so happy to see people get love and tips... More than anything, I’ve realized how disposable I am here. There are thousands to millions of other writer here, on Noise and Read Cash.

I’m just one or two clicks.

It’s OK, really. I don’t need to be adored by the masses for a moment anymore (although it's nice, in passing). I’ve found my worth and, to be honest, I’d rather one hundred truly see me than five hundred. I can’t interact with five hundred. I can’t thank them or respond to their comments (not that you fuckers leave me many, anyway, which is also fine). I try, but I miss ones and I feel bad about that sometimes.

I can be an arsehole of the grandest kind, sometimes.

My scars are seen, my flaws and psychodrama apparent, my trials, tribulations and opinions documented. You see everything (at least, everything I reveal) and you're still here ... or not. Again, thank you for that. I’m disorganized, sometimes disappointing and a little bit challenging. I’m exactly what you see down to my occasional bad grammar and spelling (and, also, sometimes not). Oopsie daisy!

So while I appreciate all the kudos in whatever form, I’m skeptical of the power some believe it wields because it’s just a number. It doesn’t cure loneliness, hunger, depression or unemployment. It doesn’t quell the tears, fears or anxiety we feel. It just doesn’t. 😥 But I don't expect it to.

I’d much rather have a sense of belonging than to fit a mold made for the masses. It’s never been who I am and I’ve always pushed against it. I don’t fit into it anyway. I hope I never will; I don't want to!

You do you and I'll do me (although it would be nice to find someone willing to do me, too 😋😉).

Thank you and good morning/day/night. That is all, for now. Snark out!

Post thumbnail: Photo by Ketut Subiyanto from/on Pexels