William Strunk and E.B. White

How to Write a High-Earning Post on Pub0x, for Pieces of Amphibian Sh*t (Yet Another Satire/Rant)

Disclaimer: The standard disclaimer about disclaiming your deficiencies (dyslexia, second/third/fourth language, not actually giving a f**k, etc.) applies (except for the last excuse), obviously.

El español es mi tercera lengua. Apenas lo conozco (aunque sé lo suficiente para tener una idea general de cuándo las traducciones son inexactas o erróneas). Por eso, además de no querer confundir a la gente, no escribo posts en él. Lo acepto como una de mis deficiencias y no me excuso por ello.

"You are the lowest form of life on Earth. You are not even human fucking beings. You are nothing but unorganized grab-asstic pieces of amphibian shit! Because I am hard, you will not like me. But the more you hate me, the more you will learn. I am hard but I am fair. There is no racial bigotry here. [...] Here, you are all equally worthless."
 — Gunnery Sgt. Hartman; Full Metal Jacket (1987)

How To Write Your Post

Write an incomprehensible sentence. Write another one, full of "creative" use of punctuation. Write a run-on sentence that would better serve as a paragraph, full of conjunctions such as "and" and "but". Don't bother to delineate your thoughts into paragraphs. Nobody cares about them, since stream-of-consciousness walls of text are perfectly acceptable submissions for posts. (That is an ambiguous sentence. Use them as much as possible, because they're great!) Dangle a participle or two. Commit the error of concord. Mix your tenses. Go hog wild with the English language, why don't you? Using Google Translate will really help you with this, especially if you translate from English to two distinctly different language groups (such as Norwegian and Korean, for example) before translating back to English.

Don't forget to mention a well-known cryptocurrency and add some content you've clearly pilfered from somewhere else online, such as a popular crypto news site. Make no effort whatsoever to provide any attribution to the source (not even a URL in the "resources" section). For bonus points, name-drop something about a billionaire/celebrity (or both; both could be good) endorsing it. If my calculations are correct, I should make about $20 USD worth of ETH for this post if I can just figure out how to make it look like I got Ye West and Kim Kardashian to endorse it ...

Don't bother to edit or revise it in any way that could better convey what you intend it to mean. Certainly don't improve the readability or correct easily-avoidable errors. After all, you're only hoping to earn some crypto for your efforts. Who cares if it makes any sense and you look like an illiterate idiot (FinTech folks certainly don't), so long as it has "Crypto" in the title and tags, right? (See how many times I've written "crypto" in this post alone? Keyword-stuffing is vital to your success here!)

Now, sit back and watch the tips just roll in by the hundreds. If you're of a particularly enterprising bent, move on rapidly to your next post before someone like me comes along, sees the disparity in writing style, diction and grammar, then searches the 'Net for the better-written piece and reports your post for plagiarism. (Yes, I can do that and I will, gladly. I'll also slide the "tip" slider so I get 80% of the tip, for having been subjected to such garbage. Sadly, I can't push it to 0% for you, which is what I feel you deserve. Up with this, I shall not put!)

Winner, winner, chicken dinner!

Thumbnail Image: Strunk & White's The Elements of Style, copyright NPR

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Great White Snark
Great White Snark

I'm currently seeking fixed employment as a S/W & Web developer (C# & ASP .NET MVC, PHP 8+, Python 3), hoping to stash the farmed fiat and go full Crypto, quit the 07:30-18:00 grind. Unsigned music producer; snarky; white; balding; smashes Patriarchy.

Snark Attack: Random Musings from The GWS
Snark Attack: Random Musings from The GWS

SW/Web developer: ~12 years of C# (yay!) & ASP .Net MVC, Java (blargh!), Python (woot!) experience. I'm currently hitting faucets and writing for crypto to stake/invest . | I work part-time with animals. Sadly, my cerebellum and medulla oblongata aren't Einsteinian in proportion. However, I possess a Brobdingnagian vocabulary and get by with being a barbigerous logophile. I can probably write you into bed, if smashing Capitalism and Patriarchy turns you on. Kink is political!

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