Even if She is Willing and Consents, I have to Turn Her Down. I'd Rather not, but Somebody's got to do the Adulting ...

I realise that the below probably comes across as accusatory/blaming/projecting. That's not the intent. The intent was to put down in words the jumble of thoughts in my head in the hope of figuring how much of the situation/problem exists solely in my head (probably most to all of it) as a consequence of my misreading/misinterpreting and how much is actual interaction (probably little to none of it). I actually hope it's 100% me only and 0% her. I don't want to have to set straight a situation where that's not the case. Things are seldom that clear-cut, though.

really hope my landlady's ward is oblivious to the fact that I've got the hots for her (because there are a whole slew of reasons why getting involved is a Very Bad Idea™, including, among others, a fourteen-year age gap). Even though she's of legal age and there's technically nothing anyone has the right to say about it, it's a tricky situation impacting more than two people. If her actions towards me are borne of a hidden agenda with the goal of tempting me into something non-platonic (including cooking eggs for breakfast for me this morning, since I currently don't get a lot of protein in my diet; she might as well have seduced me with the red trench coat she was wearing and her tousled mane) rather than purely out of a kind and altruistic nature, then she's playing a dangerous game she's not going to win (not just because it would be morally wrong for me, personally, to enter into such a relationship). I have to be a responsible adult who doesn't shit where he eats.

Don't get me wrong here; I'm most definitely attracted to her (she is very pretty and personable enough, even with her strong religious beliefs) and I can easily well imagine holding her in my arms and kissing her while I run a hand through her lovely long hair. I'd be more than happy to oblige/pursue if she were anybody else and the circumstances were different. Corrupting the innocent doesn't bother me. However, I am not at a stage of my life where I want to complicate it with dysfunctional relationships (having strove to end a number of them before I moved), especially if getting involved threatens the very sweet deal I have with regards to my living/renting arrangements (over and above my refusal to date anyone under twenty-five). I refuse to be that creepy older guy or to put myself in trouble (or another in harm's way) just because my heart wants what it wants (in opposition to what my brain knows is prudent).

I really hope I'm wrong about the situation and overthinking the whole thing, because if not, yikes on a trike indeed. It's not entirely clear to me what is going on (if anything) and what her stance is, if she has one. It's also not a conversation I'm going to start if she doesn't do anything to necessitate stopping it going any further. There are very real disadvantageous repercussions for her and I.

The more I think about it, the more problematic relationships with large age gaps look, in my not humble opinion. Take my reservations above as a case in point of the life experience/acquired knowledge differential as an example. Maybe it's just my laziness and selfishness showing through (or the fact that I'm too impatient/strict to be a good teacher), but I don't want to bring somebody else up to speed on the ways of the world, dear reader. I also don't see the appeal of virgins. Do you really want to be responsible for the entirety of somebody's sex and kink education (including RACK and enthusiastic consent)? Yeah, I know that mentors are a thing in the community, but it's not for me. Teaching my ex what I liked (and her still doing what she pleased, anyway) was enough for me. I guess I'm clearly just not the teacher type.

Plus, there's the whole power differential factor too. I don't want to be the disciplinarian/father figure "Daddy", more responsible adult partner in a relationship that has a sexual aspect to it. (Never mind that I'm not much good at being the responsible adult in my own life, it just weirds me out to have that role in someone else's life. It makes me feel like a creepy old man.)

On top of that, looking to me for advice, guidance and/or decision making most likely isn't advisable in the slightest or in any way the best interests of someone young, impressionable and having had a sheltered upbringing. My life is definitely not what I'd consider a roaring success. All the Bitcoin in the world won't change that (although, it would certainly solve some of my problems).

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Great White Snark
Great White Snark

I'm currently seeking fixed employment as a S/W & Web developer (C# & ASP .NET MVC, PHP 8+, Python 3), hoping to stash the farmed fiat and go full Crypto, quit the 07:30-18:00 grind. Unsigned music producer; snarky; white; balding; smashes Patriarchy.

The Snark Returns: Random Musings from The GWS
The Snark Returns: Random Musings from The GWS

SW/Web developer: ~12 years of C# (yay!) & ASP .Net MVC, Java (blargh!), Python (woot!) experience. I'm currently hitting faucets and writing for crypto to stake/invest . | I work part-time with animals. Sadly, my cerebellum and medulla oblongata aren't Einsteinian in proportion. However, I possess a Brobdingnagian vocabulary and get by with being a barbigerous logophile. I can probably write you into bed, if smashing Capitalism and Patriarchy turns you on. Kink is political!

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