I am SO DISAPPOINTED IN MYSELF THAT i DID NOT KEEP UP WITH THIS.  A lot has happened. My Bi-polar/deppression kicked into overdrive thats for sure!. My self sabatoge did also I guess. I started this blog for myself, but than I guess I bec ame interested if anyone would even read it since I am a nobody. I see now that some have. so, than I question why would  they even care about my life anyway. But, I guess at the end of the day it doesnt matter. I don't know. I am going to try to finish at least telling how I got as fucked up as I am. Even if it is just for me. Or maybe one day when I am gone my kids will read it and understand a bit better or even the grandkids. I guess we will see!