You 
Politics & Religion, two subjects that we are told never to discuss in polite company. In an attempt to explain myself, I am going to broach the latter subject, which unfortunately has caused a few friends & even family stop speaking to me. Religion is a tricky subject. People tend to get emotional when one doesn’t conform to their beliefs yet get just as upset if someone expects them to conform. I’ve seen seen any value in getting angry or hating someone because of what they believe (or don’t believe). I find social bonds & friendships more fulfilling when you value who a person is, as a whole, rather than what “tribe” they claim. Nevertheless, I’ve lost relationships because people discovered I didn’t follow their doctrine.
I don’t really like using labels because they tend to force people into a box but if I have to give myself one I would say I’m agnostic. Though, I didn’t start life out that way. My Father is Catholic & my Mother Pentecostal, so I was baptized (christened) Catholic. In elementary I attended catholic school, went to Sunday school, & was even an alter boy. These are what I refer to as the “indoctrination years” in ones life. It’s the learning of what ones “tribe” expects you to believe before one has the mental fortitude to question those beliefs. For me, the acceptance of this biblical explanation & dogma was not easy and frequently impossible. My curiosity would force me to ask questions. Questions I didn’t know were not supposed to be asked. Questions like “What did the animals on the ark eat since animals eat other animals?”, “Did no one else know how to build boats?” & “Where did Caine & Seth’s wives come from?”. After getting punished by nuns & my parents I learned to keep my inquiries to myself. Though I would leave catholic school after 3rd grade, I mindlessly claimed Catholicism as my religion up until my teenage years.
Maybe it was because my parents had strayed from the rigidity of weekly service or maybe because my mothers side of the family was Pentecostal, whatever the reason in my teenage years I was never prohibited from attending churches of different faiths. These years are what I would come to call my (first) “Crisis-of-faith”. I had a nagging in the back of my mind for answers. Answers my current proclaimed faith wasn’t providing. Unfortunately, attending services wouldn’t provide answers either. Each service was little more than a summation of a passage or few. A parable & the faiths interpretation of it. This didn’t go deep enough for me. I decided a better course of action would be going to the source material myself with no preconceived notions. To this day I don’t know any Christians who have read the entire bible, cover to cover. I did it twice. I wrote annotations in the margins that referred to a folder of my own notes. I would go into deep though about sections attempting to make sense out of contradictions. I would read other books that attempted to explain some of these. All of this got me absolutely no where so I went even deeper. Researching Islam, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, ect. I also dove into historical religions such as Greek Gods, Norse Mythology, Zoroastrianism, Paganism, ect. I learned a lot but nothing provided answers. Desperate & exhausted, I conceded that I would stay catholic & moved on.
A few years later I got back involved with my love of science & more specifically physics, astronomy, & cosmology. It was during this time I developed great reverence for something I’ve long known to be exceptional, the Scientific Method. When applied properly the scientific method uncovers empirical facts & truths about the nature of reality, nature, the universe, & more. It’s a flaw correcting path toward enlightenment. It was during this scientific journey that I faced my (second) “Crisis-of-Faith”.
A modern misconception, science is not inherently opposed to religion. The conflict arises when occasionally science uncovers truths that dispel a part of religious dogma. This happened with Copernicus’ & Galileo’s Heliocentric model. It happened with the mounting evidence that the earth is older than 6000 years old. It happened when Edwin Hubble uncovered evidence that led Catholic Priest Georges Lemaître to form his “Big-Bang Theory”. That’s right, it was a Catholic Priest that started the theory some zealots despise. Compelling as these contradictions are, this is not what turned me away from religion.
My awakening was caused by something every scientist knows & everyone should practice, objectivity. Quite simply, I do not have enough evidence to say with certainty weather or not a deity exists. It’s the same reason I’m not an atheist. Yes, it’s ok to form a hypothesis based on the information at hand but one should try to stay objective until one has the answer. For me, science provided more answers than anything else. You could say science filled the void of faith for me.
Religion can be helpful & good but frequently it’s used as a way to teach people (questionable) morality & provide a carrot & stick for obedience. I don’t murder, steal, & rape because it’s wrong not because a book or priest told me to. If, rather than prepare our entire existence for an afterlife, we focused on the here & now, we could make our own Heaven on Earth.
