Mind Trap
Man this message just hits your phone, you recognize the tone. I just come to reach out to a friend, and he asks me what it is that I'm in need. For a moment you get left hanging it does seem, you wonder what's happened behind the scenes. The next that comes filling up your screen. The painful horrors of a friend that fiends.
Here's just a simple question, it's practically a confession. I'm sitting here with just my thoughts trying to ignore the screams. Is it all as messed up as it feels, leaves me questioning what is real. Sometimes I don't know how to feel. Just pushing through life, trying to ignore it. The loss of so many lifelong friends. I spend half of my days and nights, just attempting to survive this fight. All these of thing's constantly haunting my mind. I hear their voices calling out to me and crying all the time. As if just searching for a way, to try and stop the tape, then back up and hit rewind. I feel like I'm slowly losing myself, as I'm sitting here alone and confined. Just sitting by myself in silence, recalling all the senseless violence. All these thoughts are killing me, constantly swimming through my mind.
I fall down to the ground, on my knees I sit and pray. Just holding out and searching, for even the slightest hope each and every day. I'm constantly asking god why, I always seemed destined to feel nothing but pain. Left all alone held in contempt, fingers pointed at me in blame. But each time it seems to be in the end, only half the story even gets told as one pretends. They just try to shed their part of the load, of all that's deemed insane. I just try to bite my tongue, as I swallow back my pride. And leave it heading down the road on a stop sign it got hung.
I know the truth it always finds us, from it we can never hide. It seems it always finds us, somewhere along this ride. I'm feeling just so distressed, just clinically depressed. I hope I'm reaching out in time, just looking for someone to confide. I'm sitting here all alone, from my thoughts I can never hide. How many times I've almost died, just wanting to go feel high. My version of a normal life, trying to just block out my life
Life is such a roller coaster ride, as up and down it goes. And every time we think we won, it comes and drops us every time. God, feel like i just may lose my mind, I'm just begging for one sign. Searching for a real feeling that shines, asking myself will i ever feel what means to be happy. You know I'd just like one person in my life, I can keep forever mine. Is it even possible to actually feel love, or actually make one transcend time. Sometimes I really struggle just to feel I'm not really insane. Spending most of my days just coasting through and coping with my pain. Will things ever feel okay? Nothing really seems to change the tide, just more distancing ourselves over time. Please save me from these demons, screaming and running through my mind. I search every single day, just one solitary way, just to keep myself in line. But it seems we start doing good, then something races across our minds. Breaking through and ripping up all the things we had held so close and tight. Making it seem to me nothing ever does go right, it doesn't matter what the fight.
Now my chest, it starts feeling tight. I think someone's turning out the lights. Does anyone even notice? Would anyone even care? If I died today, how many would say they would be there. Been asking questions all of my life, seems there is no end in sight. Getting harder just to read the signs, I'm afraid of what's inside. Don't know how long I can hide, before he comes creeping in. Pure evil is on his mind, as he sneaks right up behind. Then takes your world for a spin, leaving breathless and cold in the end. Doing my best to survive, mending bridges that he has burned. While attempting to forget, all the madness we've seen in time. Just sitting here left with my thoughts, trapped inside my mind.
D.J. Messer
Mind Trap
04/30/2020
