In what can only be described as another Tuesday in the metaverse of Elon’s mind, the man formerly known as Elon Musk has officially rebranded himself on X (formerly Twitter, formerly a functional company) as Gorklon Rust.

Yes, Gorklon. Rust. Not a cyberpunk villain. Not an altcoin fork of Doge. But the same guy who launched cars into space and meme coins into moonshot portfolios.

Call Me $GORK

According to no official sources and entirely speculative vibes from crypto Twitter, Gorklon Rust is Elon’s final form — a decentralized techno-overlord who now speaks exclusively in Solidity, meme GIFs, and Doge derivatives.

This move comes mere hours after Musk aka Gorklon tweeted:

“Call me $GORK, the Rusted. I am become liquidity, the drainer of rugs.”

The tweet has already been minted as 47,000 NFTs, all of which were rugged within 6 minutes. Gas fees alone have bankrupted a small DAO.

The Rise of Gorklon

Of course, this is not the first time the Tesla/SpaceX/bored-billionaire formerly known as Elon has bestowed himself with a cosmic title. Remember “Technoking of Tesla”? Or “Imperator of Mars”? Or that time he literally named his child a CAPTCHA?

But “Gorklon Rust” hits different. Some believe it is a reference to the Rust programming language. Others suggest it’s the name of an ancient alien DAO founder from the planet Shillton-9. One Ethereum dev simply replied:

“This is why I yield farm on a remote chain where his tweets can’t find me.”

Crypto Reacts

The crypto world, as always, responded with nuanced, level-headed analysis and maturity.

Just kidding.

Within minutes of the Gorkdrop™, new tokens were launched:

$GORK Pumped 3000% in 12 minutes, then collapsed when Gorklon retweeted a Pepe meme.

$RUST Marketed as the “anti-fiat store of oxidized value.”

$GRUGG No relation, but it is trending anyway.

Vitalik Buterin, when asked for comment, blinked twice and walked away into the mist.

Decentralized Madness

A leaked Gorklon roadmap (scribbled in crayon on the back of a SpaceX napkin) reveals the following upcoming initiatives:

1. Launch of GorkChain, a Layer-0 blockchain based on emotional frequency and Mars dust.

2. Mandatory Neuralink for all validators.

3. New social scoring system based on meme virality and flamethrower ownership.

4. Dogecoin to replace U.S. dollars by 2026.

Naturally, Tesla stock rose 14% on the news before immediately falling 27% after Gorklon announced all company salaries would now be paid in airdropped JPEGs.

My Final Conclusion

I may have lost my seed phrase, my dignity, and three apes to this man. He is not just tweeting and somehow transcending. Gorklon Rust is not a name. It is a vibe. A rug-pulling, liquidity-draining, gas-fee-burning vibe.

And my final conclusion?

Never trust a man whose child’s name looks like an API key and who can pump an entire market with a meme.

May Gorklon bless your bags.

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